I have always been kind of, sort of, maybe a little, a major klutz. I have even begun buying two left shoes to try and accept my fate. The past couple of days though, I feel like I need a crash helmet and wrap myself in bubblewrap. I feel like even if I were to sequester myself, the ceiling would probably fall down on me.

It started yesterday when after my dental appointment, I tried to compensate for my sore mouth by chewing on the opposite side than I am used to. That led to stabbing myself in the roof of my mouth and actually gouging out a big piece of flesh. This was followed by wearing my flipflops to the mailbox and somehow tripping and ripping off my pinky toenail. I rounded that out by going to the doctor to get my cortisone shot in my elbow for my tendinitis. (I also discovered at this appointment that my head throbbing is actually migraines – I had been told this before but shrugged it off, figuring it was more related to having kids than anything – and now have proper medication for it) Not to be outdone by the pain the doctor caused me, I shattered a glass on the kitchen counter. Shielding my face from the exploding  glass caused three pieces of glass to embed themselves in my arms (at least it wasn’t my face!) causing enough blood to recreate a horror movie in my kitchen. I have hopefully ended it all by picking up my 40lb 18 month old and pulling a muscle in my chest/armpit area that is sending stabbing pains every.single.time I breathe (kind of hard to avoid doing) laugh (I am not laughing much right now) or move my arm more than 3 inches in any one direction.

If I was a horse they would have dragged me to the pasture and shot me by now.

My lovely husband has bandaged me, medicated me, stuck me in a sling and told the kids not to bother me today (this order is being pretty much ignored)

I inherited a good pain threshold from my dad (who recently broke his leg and continued to walk and play golf on it) which is a good thing since I seem to always be hurt in one fashion or the other. Today though, I am whimpering and whining. I need a home health care nurse for a few days. Perhaps some chicken soup from my mom (better yet, some chili rellenos – if she is taking requests) and a mahogany cake from my sister (if she is doing requests as well)

I have a scheduled pity party today from 3pm-4pm. I will be serving cookies and raspberry tea. You will recieve a gift bag of Tylenol, antiseptic wipes, bandaids, gauze pads and ace bandages.

By the way, anyone want some duck soup?

Categories: children