Today’s Post – Finding Stillness In The Current

As I struggled to stay in place in the strong current and will my body to relax, I realized I was doing it all wrong. This whole blended family. I’m really not sure what I thought, but I was more mincing, dicing and slicing, than blending. It was just one more thing I had been struggling against much like the current in the stream we played in most of the day.

I was messing up, until today and now I get to change things. – *Isn’t that one of the most beautiful graces that we are given. Fresh starts and no obligation to forbid us from diverging on our paths.

OH and I’m going to put this in quotes so you know how important it is….

All of you who dismiss the struggle of blending as a 7 year process and just force us to accept this battle are liars. It blends when you finally quit fighting the current and allow yourself to relax within your family.

Where you told this malarkey?

Do you agree with it?

At first I had this goal that we were going to all (6 children and I) float down the good current stream to the large bridge (about a mile long) I wanted us all together relaxing and doing the “Tom Sawyer” thing.

But I couldn’t get the floats blown up. Not even the 16 yo could and he’s got some massive hot air.

So we set up camp and I tried to involve them all in a coordinated game. It was chaos and they were darting here and there finding things that appealed to them. Certainly not the bonded moment I envisioned.

The 16 yo boy laid flat where the currents actually were strong enough to create a little white water rapids. He told me how amazing it felt, so since I couldn’t get my way, I gave in and laid beside him. I closed my eyes as the water rushed past me and let my ears go underwater so I could hear the sound of the rushing water. It was amazing and so comforting.

I propped myself up for a moment so I could scan the area, because as the mother figure it is my sworn duty to make sure nobody is struggling, picking up a snake or throwing their sibling into an unauthorized baptism. They were scattered and for a moment I felt like hollering (that’s just the Southern in me) for them to all come closer and do a group participation activity.

Then I saw their smiles.

I could only catch three of them....

I could only catch three of them….

Individually they were all involved in an activity that fed their soul. Whether it was chasing fish, looking for shells that were just perfect, creating the perfect skipped rock. They were fully engulfed in their OWN enjoyment.

That’s when it hit me.

I haven’t been mothering these 6 children. I have been trying to conform them all into one controllable unit. One child. One mission. I was taking away their unique personalities in my desperation to have us functioning perfectly blended.

blended

 

verb 

1.

to mix smoothly and inseparably together: to blend the ingredients in a recipe.
2.

to mix (various sorts or grades) in order to obtain a particular kind or quality:
3.
to mix or intermingle smoothly and inseparably:
6.

to fit or relate harmoniously; accord; go: 
7.

to have no perceptible separation: 
OK…..6 children in my house and I was told in my remarriage with my bonus boys that we would be working on blending our family and I went totally logical with the definition.
But look at that for a moment. Inseparable, no particular separation.
Boy, I was screwing this up, because I was trying to do this blending thing while denying using mothering skills for 6 unique personalities. I wanted it all to be a group thing. A blended thing. When all I had to do is stay with the current and allow them to feed their souls in their way with my involvement….separately, non-blended….just family.
So this blended drivel we have had shoved in our faces is being thrown out with the trash. We will strive to achieve a snack tray. Individual. Seperate souls that need to be creative, exploration, challenged, reassured, side line gawker, whimsical….it’s what makes them who they are and I was trying to redefine them to fit in this blended mold.
No more.
So I laid there for almost 3 hours enjoying the sun, current (not so much the little fish that bumped my legs) and let them be and do exactly who they were created to do.
For the first time, I felt harmony even though we were scattered and separated; we were together and loving the moment.

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