Dear Kitty,

There are days when I feel not good enough to do the things that I am called to do. There are times that I see what God is wanting me to do and I want to gesture to all of me and ask Him, “Hey, do you see WHO you are asking? Do you remember the things I have done?”

Many times I judge what I can DO by what I have DONE.

I was reading a book and began a story about a man. This man had tremendous power, commanded armies and everybody adored him. Everything he touched flourished and was blessed. It had been that way since he was a young boy. He was destined for greatness.

Then one day something caught his eye and he just had to have it. Besides he was used to getting everything he wanted. A woman.

He started asking his friends about her and found out that she was married. Not only married, but married to one of his best men. This man was one who adored him, but when passion knocks on your door sometimes you don’t care who might be involved. He did what he needed to do and got her to come to his house while her husband was away on a mission that he commanded. Although she was married, she quickly was seduced by this great man. It’s easy to believe because aren’t we all attracted to power and greatness? Wanting a piece of it?

Talk about flourishing…she became pregnant and her husband was away and no doubt could do math. The plot thickens.

This great man probably spent quite some time pacing and pondering this development. Maybe he should just ignore it? After all, with all his greatness the people would be on his side if she did try to make any kind of bold claims against him. In the end, rather than just trying to keep a secret of a baby on the way, he decided to have that pesky husband killed in an efficient manner. It would look like an accident and he would be free and clear.

So let’s see what we have so far…

• man of tremendous power
• married woman
• man who abuses power
• a little passion thrown in
• an illegitimate baby on the way
• a murder

Yikes!

He goes through with it and around the same time the news comes out that the husband is dead, he sends for the woman and marries her. What a nice and tidy way to cover up all they had done.

I’m going to stop the story here and look back at just this part and the ending. There is quite a lot in the book about what happens to this man and woman because of what they did, but in the end he confesses what he has done and is restored.

This man? Well, he is King David from the Bible and through several other references here and there is called “a man after God’s own heart.”

How on Earth did a man who did all that (and that’s not all he screwed up on) become so great and so loved by God?

Because it was not about what he had DONE but what he DID. Despite the ugliness, deceit, betrayal and all the warts, God loved him and had a perfect plan for him.

I’ve done some bad stuff and had my share of horrible stories. These are the things that come into my mind when God asks me to do something. How can He ask me of all people? There are those that have had good lives and been good people, He should ask them! Why would someone listen to me with all my ugly past? I am not good enough.

1 Samuel 16:7
“The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

It would be real easy to judge David based on what we could see. It’s what most of us use when we value a person and their deeds, but what if we could see their heart? What if we could see their mental repentance?

1 Samuel 30:6
David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the LORD his God.

There are times that our mistakes are wildly known or when people judge us based on their thoughts. Our strength should not be found in the ones who are around us, but in what is in us.

If you follow the full story of David, you would see that one thing he does consistently (even after his mistakes) is thank God and praise Him for everything. He made mention many times of knowing that God’s hand was on him in everything he did. Even after he screwed up he never wavered on His trust that God loved him. Sure there were consequences for his actions and he suffered greatly because of those, but he never forgot that he was loved and he continued on his purpose.

So you’ve made mistakes and suffered. Perhaps you feel that you are not good enough to do the things that you are called to do.

News Flash: If God could love and use an adulterer, murderer and man of many other sins….why not you?

…and frankly…find your strength on the truths that are you inside of you and not what you think your past defines you to be.

Categories: January Diary Entry

Tags: How can God use someone like me?, I'm not good enough, I've made mistakes