There is a reason why when making a “professional” phone call you should never have children in the background. I had to call the mail order pharmacy today to give them my debit card information. It is totally automated. Below is the content of the phone call.

Recording: In order to assist you please state the nature of your call in a few words.

Me: Provide payment (child screams) information

Recording: I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that response. Please state the nature of your call in a few words.

Me: Provide (child squeals) payment information.

Recording: I am sorry, I can’t seem to understand your response. Let me connect you with a customer service specialist.

Recording: In order to direct you to the correct department please state the nature of your call in a few words.

Me: PAY…MENT

Recording: It seems you wish to arrange payment. We now provide this service with our automated system for your convenience.  Please state the patient’s name:

Me: Da (child screams, dog barks) Would you hush!

Recording: OK I got that (HOW?) Please provide the patient’s date of birth by saying the month, day and then the year.

Me: July 13, 197-(child laughs like The Joker)

Recording: Let me see if I got that, July 13 1903. Is this correct?

Me: NO (child wrestles phone away)

Recording: Let’s try that again, please say the month, day and then the year.

Me: July 13, NINETEEN SEVENTY

Recording: Ok, I heard July 13, 1903. Is this correct?

Me: NOOO (child screams again)

Recording: OK, I have that file pulled up. Please verify the payment information by stating the name on the card.

Me: (They don’t have it yet…maybe if I stay silent they will transfer me to someone…Child squeals and starts playing with a loud choo-choo train at my feet)

Recording: Alright the account has been verified, is there anything else I can assist you with today?

Me: WHAT (punches zero 50 times) I NEED AN OPERATOR

Recording: Thank you for calling…Goodbye.

Categories: children