Grief is a funny thing, it crops up when you least expect it and can disappear in a moment. The triggers for it can range from a song, to a memory, an empty place in your day to a physical object.

For me today, I was unpacking some decorative plates of Nana’s and trying to hang them on the wall. One of the plates was broken and as I sat trying to repair it and paint the chipped areas it began me to thinking about how much we try to fix things to make them right again, and how sometimes no matter how much you try, you just can’t get it right.

The plates became my physical symbol of Nana’s loss. Her body and mind was broken and no matter how much fixing we tried to do, it was in vain.  The crack, although covered and repainted will always be there, such as Nana;s disappearance from our lives will forever leave a spot that can not be repaired.

Today has been the start of my grief. I was kept so busy with the preparations of all the journey, that I tended to push it all away. I have to constantly make sure that everyone else is OK before I feel entitled to begin to grieve. Almost like waiting in line. I know that my family is still deeply hurting and will be for the rest of their lives. But I had to allow myself some me time. The broken plate was finally my straw. D was good to help me work through it and get it repaired and hung on the wall. It was not the easiest thing to do, but he realized the importance of it to me and helped me work through it.

God bless the husband that is the rock for his wife.

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