I’ve made a lot of introductions lately. This is good because I’ve made some new friends, but always awkward when I have to go into a monologue of how I’m no superhero or a perfect mom. There is something about telling people that you have 6 kids living in your house that makes outsiders think you have a sparkly cape, super powers and that irrational concept of “having it all together.”
I was recently having a “Girl Day Out” lunch with some of my friends, when one of them looked at me and said,
“I just can’t understand how you are always so calm and laid back. I can’t imagine how you do everything.”
So here are my secrets to being “Superwoman:”
1) I am not calm and laid back. I can wig out with the best of them and threaten to disown anyone who won’t eat the chicken nuggets and fries that I slaved over. I do, metaphorically, close a door when I enter another one. That means when I am hanging out with my friends, I am fully there. I’m not concerned with the Mt. Everest of Laundry. When I’m helping with homework, I am fully there. I’m not pining away about what my girlfriends may be doing….well, not all the time. So stressing out about all the things I have to do is not a luxury I afford myself anymore. I do not want to talk about the casserole dish soaking in my sink, I want to hear about you. I don’t want to commiserate the errands I’m behind in, I want to giggle over the cute waiter.
2) Nobody gets superpowers in real life. We all trudge, sling food and fold laundry in the same manner. We do get minions, or more commonly referred to as “kids.” They can pour their own drink, cut up their own food in non-choke-able sizes and pick up their wet bath towels. (Disclosure: they CAN do these things, but that doesn’t insure that they WILL) Once upon a time, long ago, I thought I could do it all. I had the charts, the reward stickers and the steel grit of a Drill Sargent. I also had a very miserable house. Let me tell you…I’d rather see smiles on the kids faces as they play tag jumping over dust bunnies, than grim soldiers on a detail task. I no longer struggle for perfection, but focus on progress.
3) I remember that my reflection in the mirror is a person and I treat her as such. She has a past, a present and a future and should be respected. Yes, she is a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend and 50 billion other people, but she is also herself and must stay true to that if there shall be sanity. My personal passion is horses. So I spend time at the barn every day that I can. I feed that part of me that keeps me “Alycia.” You have a part of you that is unique to who you are. Don’t lose that in the overwhelming scream for society to “be everything and do it all!”
4) I pray a lot. For strength, compassion, wisdom, early bed times, limited math homework, no cavities and not to strangle someone one. Then I remind myself that is seems like God thought I was up to this particular Life and who am I to moan or argue about that.
So, no…I don’t “do it all” and I don’t “have it all together.” That kind of responsibility will straight up kill you.
I do “enough,” have “enough” and I am “enough.” That kind of mindset will straight up heal you.