Lesson for new moms. The moment that squirming, pooping, spewing baby is placed in your arms, a part of you disappears for ever. I call it the “Mine Factor.”  As in:  this bedtime is “Mine”, this plate of food is “Mine,” this body is “Mine.” Nothing will be sacred to you anymore. Some examples for you:

This bedtime is “Mine” – It will never fail that as soon as your weary head touches the pillow, someone will need you to get up to get a glass of water, go to the bathroom (need diaper) need a bedtime story, need the 5,689,048 kiss of the night. More often than not, when you do collapse into bed, you will find that you are sharing a bed with some Legos, a dollie and sippy cup.

This bath time is “Mine” – Gone are the days that you will run a warm bubble bath and soak, while reading a good book. Bath time with children will consist of pushing all the boats and ducks out of the way while you quickly scrub the important parts and jump out before the children beat the door down. Shaving? Maybe once a month and usually one leg at a time.

This plate of food is “Mine” – It doesn’t matter if your darling has never eaten what you have on your plate, the screams will reach ear bleeding decibels until you fork it over. A hot plate of food? Forgetaboutit. Same goes with your icy beverage. Darling little ones love to take sips and leave “bits” floating for your enjoyment.

This body is “Mine” – I won’t even go into the morphing the little hostile aliens do to your body while pregnant, but once they are born; hand over your right to claim your body as your own. Your hair will become a pull toy, your arms become chew toys, hands and shoulders are spit rags, your ears will be rattles and your legs a bouncy seat.

This house is “Mine” – Your house will never grace the cover of Home and Garden, although it may be featured in an ad for a cleaning services worse nightmare. Don’t punish yourself with any glass top table and try to become complacent for little teeth marks in wooden surfaces. You can forget about having knick knacks on your end tables and a nice coffee table book. Depending on your child’s taste in decorating, you may find your surfaces littered with jungle animals being tracked by Little People on a mission. Your carpet? Console yourself with the fact that it can be replaced.

The one thing that these kids will claim for their own that you will never miss?

Your heart. It’s not yours anymore, so forgetaboutit.

Categories: children, General Junk, home life