I woke up this morning and looked out the window to the most beautiful sight. It was snowing. I just about threw out my arm as I rapidly raised the blinds as high as they could go, stubbed my toe to grab my favorite soft fleece robe and burnt my tongue on the hot chocolate I had made to sit on my couch and watch the snow. This is where I begin to hate the weather patterns of the state that I live in. In the few moments of preparation to watch the snowflakes dance it had not only stopped snowing, but began melting. At this rate, I suppose by 3pm I can put on my bathing suit and go lay out and get a tan. Then get 3 gallons of fresh water to distribute to my girls so no one suffers from heat exhaustion all before a tornado starts heading this direction by 4pm. This is not the place to live if you crave consistent weather or a distinct season change.

Today, my mothering job is to be a plumber. Both girls have sprung a leak from their noses. After I finish the 50 foot sprint, get them tackled to the floor, rub a nose (they don’t realize that shaking their head “no” actually helps in the snot removal process) and release them back into their habitat clean faced…it starts again. Another leak. The only logical option at this point is to turn on the wet vac and stick it to their noses to suck it all out. The only thing holding me back from such a drastic option is that I think my kids are cute and fear that the wet vac option will turn them into California Raisins (although I did think the raisins were cute singing the Grapevine Song) if I get it all sucked out.

Disclaimer:

If CPS is reading this post and trying to use my ip address to come rescue my children, this is all written for the point of humor. The only thing I am actually doing to my children is offering tissues and my sleeves to clean their noses.

If Home and Garden is reading this post, I need to know the best method of  removing shiny snot streaks from velvet curtains and from tapestry pillows.

If Nanny911 is reading this post. I know full well that I should have my children trained to remove their own mucus problems and sit calmly on the couch and have calm, but firm dialog about understanding they are sick and that wiping snot on each other, the dog, the furniture is unacceptable in which they will nod compliance and be angels who promptly pick up a Kleenex, blow their nose, put the used tissue in the trash and then hug me and tell me what a wonderful mother I am.

If my broker is reading this post, please put my investments into Kleenex and Tylenol Cold medications companies and into whatever cleaning product that Home and Garden recommends from the above question.

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