Dear Kitty,
There was this man eagerly walking down a path. He was fueled with purpose and willing to destroy anything that came in his way. He knew his agenda and he was loyal to his mind. Nothing was going to stop his strong stride and unwavering resolve. He was feared.
*BOOM*
Suddenly the very thing he was fighting was in front of him and he was blinded by a much bigger purpose. Once a fearsome leader, independent and strong; he was reduced to a dependent follower needing to be led. Boy, that must have been embarrassing to once be so feared and now to be so frail.
He had been blinded physically, but never had his eyes been more open to seeing the truth. At the end of three days, his eyes were reopened by grace and his faithfulness to follow his new purpose to completion. Within a few days of his healing, he assumed a new name and doggedly pursued his new mission and was soon recognized as one of the greatest.
(Acts 9:1-19)
What can we take from this story of the moment we come face to face with grace?
* Sometimes the thing that we are fighting so hard is just not our purpose and the glory of it is only found in the ones around us and not the One who designed us. There will come a moment on your path that you are going to be stopped and humbled. You will get to choose to continue your own purpose in your stubborn blindness or you can turn around and be led to your true purpose and sight restored.
* It takes faith in what is not understood to receive something that is undeniable. For a man who only had faith in himself and his goals, it took recognizing something bigger than him to get him to truly open his eyes. Having that kind of faith is hard and not always comprehended. His healing though was undeniable and a gift we can all receive when we are willing to be led down the path of truth.
* Not only did he change his game, but he changed his name. He turned completely away from what he was and allowed for a complete character overhaul. He refused to be known for who he was and let who he is become his greatest testimony.
We all have times of blindness when we are in this life. Times we have to trust that we are going to be made all over again into something better with true purpose. We have this gift offered daily by the One who designed us with specific characteristics, skills and a testimony for our purpose.
We get to change our name; no longer defined by our imperfections, hurts and baggage. Sure, this is real life and some of our past is always going to be stuffed next to the skeletons in the closet, but this is nothing to be ashamed of; this is the witness to our true purpose and testimony. We can use that blindness to show the undeniable healing and change that can happen when we accept the gift.
You are never doomed by your past to fall short of greatness in the here and now. The only thing that can truly hold you back is your own insistence of being unworthy of something better. This isn’t something you earn or have to fight for, this is something that is given. This gift is not based on your merit, but by His mercy.
Are you ready to live in the light and out loud? Will you be willing to change your definition? Why not let go of the blindness?
Categories: june 2013 diary entry
Alycia Neighbours 
I am so deeply touched by your words. Maybe because they are what I needed right in this moment? This story in scripture has always been “big” and meant something personal to me in my spiritual walk. This story is what made me see that God could love someone like me. Coming face to face with grace blew me off my feet and from that moment on the eye’s of my soul were wide open. Sometimes taking in God’s grace and mercy is almost more than I can bear. Because it just doesn’t make sense. I don’t deserve it. I am unworthy. Completely. Who I was before is completely different from who I am now. Yet still I find myself in need of this grace and mercy. Daily.
Just when I think I really “see” I find that I don’t. Eating humble pie and finding that I need Him just as much today as I did back then. Just when I find myself falling back into that deep shame and feeling unworthy of this life of second, third and hundredth chances I come face to face with Him…His love, mercy and grace staring me in the face and saying “Yes you are worthy.” Due to health issues, preparing for facing my brother in law who molested my 2 grandsons in a trial, one of whom we’ve been raising and the other who’s been living with us while his daddy is in prison and financial stress due to my having to quit working to raise 2 grandchildren(8 years and almost 7) and take care of 2 more grandchildren (6 years and 8 months)while their mommy works A LOT.
I am over whelmed and there are day’s lately that I think I can’t do “this”. I feel so unqualified to meet the challenges of caring for needy children while not feeling well myself. I am taking a day full of grace at a time because I know deep down that I am where I am suppose to be. I’ve lived a whole other life that prepared me for “this”. Giving out grace to those that have hurt our family…that have hurt our little’s and brought deep pain, fear and anxiety into 2 little boys…to my grandchildren daddy in prison…to my step daughter who has left us to parent her children for almost 7 years now…the giving of grace, mercy and love are what I’m suppose to be doing. Some days it’s just really hard.
Wow, Lori.
How amazing that you are in that place where the past makes sense and we can use it in our current task. Thank you for being THAT person!!
I’ll be praying for you to find this grace to sustain you everyday!
“We all have times of blindness when we are in this life. Times we have to trust that we are going to be made all over again into something better with true purpose. We have this gift offered daily by the One who designed us with specific characteristics, skills and a testimony for our purpose.
We get to change our name; no longer defined by our imperfections, hurts and baggage. Sure, this is real life and some of our past is always going to be stuffed next to the skeletons in the closet, but this is nothing to be ashamed of; this is the witness to our true purpose and testimony. We can use that blindness to show the undeniable healing and change that can happen when we accept the gift.”
This has become abundantly clear to me of late. He is a might God, mighty to save, and He has power over all things, including my past, present, and knows my future. It is absolutely incredible what He has done for us.
Love this … as always! I find it interesting that Paul apparently continued to have trouble with his eyes. Maybe it was a reminder of where his focus needed to be? Not sure …