Dog or Baby: A Chart For The Undecided

So you have announced yourself Mr & Mrs and now everyone wants to know when you are going to add a new bundle to your family. You are a little nervous about the prospect of taking care of a human where there is potential to send that little darling straight to a therapist’s couch to tell of all the dastardly things you did for the cause of parenting. You flip a coin on just starting with a dog or going all out with a human model.

Here is a little chart to help you compare and make your ultimate choice.

Poops in floor Poops in floor
Slobbers on you Drools on you
Chews on your shoes Chews on your shoes
Barks when the doorbell rings Screams when the phone rings
Eats off the floor Eats off the floor
Requires shots Requires shots
Leaves hair on the furniture Leaves crumbs on the furniture
Humps stranger’s legs Takes candy from strangers
Best controlled on a leash Best controlled on a leash

Have you made the ultimate choice? In what ways have you found the two to be comparable? Would you recommend one over the other?

Categories: choosing a pet over a baby, they both poop in the floor

11 replies

  1. All of those are valid points, however, you can put a dog in a cage and leave it alone all day. You do that with a kid and people totally lose their sense of humor about it. I recommend starting with a house plant. If you can keep it alive, graduate to a dog, then if you can make it through house breaking and the chewing of all your possessions, you might be ready for a baby.

  2. WOW. never thought of it this way.

  3. I know that a baby costs more, 18+ years of expenses and all, but at least you can take a human on vacation with you without having to make special arrangements and train him/her to be self sufficient and use the bathroom!Plus when they get super old, they get to take care of us when we poop on the floor!Love this post.I choose human 😉

  4. Hahaha!!! I think you just put my puppy & baby-envy to rest for now. 😉

  5. LMAO!!!!I already have 3 kiddos. I don't need either!

  6. HAHAHAHA! That's probably why they say you should get a dog to prepare you for kids!I have a draft in my editor about how having a dog taught me how to be a parent!

  7. having a baby is nothing like having a dog. i've had both. and now i have dementia. get a pet rock.

  8. Is it too late to trade in my kid(s) for another cat? Perhaps a hairless one?

  9. Awesome.We think dogs are marginally easier, because at least you can leave them at home alone.

  10. I don't have kids for one reason – they have a long memory. I know I do.Dogs forgive right awayDogs can be left at home aloneDogs will always love youDogs are always cuteDogs don't need privacyDogs rarely talk backDogs are so easy to pleaseAnd in the long run, dogs are cheaper.Now I need to call my mom and say thank you for chosing me over a dog.

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