As I have been slogging through restyling my blog to make it easier for you. I came to a place called “delete”
You see I have been blogging over 8 years. I have done a lot of changing in style, content and even my voice. But I noticed, that not once I have DETOURED from trying to leave you laughing or just a sense of hope.
Even in over a decade of being a punching bag, I wrote posts that made you laugh
When I was told nobody cared what I had to say, I had comments that said you did
When I was told I was boring, I created Fiction (search TRDC or fiction) and you loved me more
So I had a choice to delete everything to this nice finish I have found myself in. Unrestricted, soaring and overflowing with grace, mercy and using my talent to touch you in your spirit. (I’m humble too)
But those years I was scared, battered and bloodied, I haven’t changed from her purpose. It’s always been there. As I hovered over the years I could delete, I am content to not delete them, but hope that you found I have never changed from my initial writings.
Today I could not be who I AM (who you see) if I hadn’t struggled to continue to find hope in my darkest years. In fact I wrote a guest post just hours before Dan committed suicide. I knew something was off that day, but I took those disconcerting moments to write about hope and faith….
How often in our lives does a storm cloud make an appearance that we are so focused on the negative that it will bring that we don’t see the thin sliver of light glowing brightly at the edges? A reminder of the bright sun behind it that we long for. The knowledge that the cloud and its rain will pass. We may not know how long it will rain for or even how destructive the force of nature will come into our lives; but we are assured it won’t last forever.
Just like that bright lining on the dark cloud, we can choose to focus on the light. A chat with a friend, a good book, an unexpected compliment, the touch of a lover. We learn to hold onto that glimmer through the turmoil and it will carry us until we are once again bathed in warmth.
I have always chosen to focus on the light, because the smallest candle on top a mountain can be seen. Even the right hook I got when I found out Dan had chosen suicide didn’t keep me from trying to find the light as soon as possible.
So as you wander this new site, you might find something from way back when and it will seem confusing, but it was just some molding that God was preparing me for as He watched His purpose continue when some might have stopped.
So 2000+ posts are contained here and will remain there. They range from silly songs, vlogs, multiple name changes, rages days after his death……but I hope that no matter where you end up in my rabbit hole…you will see HOPE and the same me that’s always been here for you.
That’s a lot of posts! What happened before, the past- it shapes who we become. And even the parts we may not want to think about now, they were important.
You had me holding my breath reading this blog. The suspense was so intense. I was thinking in my head how some people burn their journals of the past. That if you deleted the 2000+ posts I would be sad almost heartbroken. Today in therapy I talked about my light and my focus to stay positive. Not to just try but do it. Even if it’s something as simple as opening the front door to smell the fresh air, step into the sunlight and pace the front deck, be in the moment even if it’s only a moment. I’m learning so much from you. When I speak of you I say “my friend, Alycia”. I’m glad that I can. ❤
Thanks. I’m glad you are finding light again
Alycia, You have walked through the fire, posting all along, making me laugh, cry and wise up! I love you, Aunt J
the new look is great! And I love that you kept the old posts — because it is all part of the journey of You, right?
but, there are some incredibly bad posts from when I started 5 years ago that I would not mind deleting. I cringe when I think about someone reading them — they just were not good.