Walter has a tennis ball. Not just any old tennis ball will do. It has to be one that will squeak.
Walter is also a dog so…ya know….no opposable thumbs or handy arms.
He’s very enthusiastic about his ball. He loves to chase it. Carry it outside with him (being oh so careful about bringing it back in) He cradles it to sleep. And when it gets worn out and we buy him a new one, I get a glimpse of what my facial expression will be when I see heaven.
The problem with his enthusiasm with his ball, is he will throw it for himself when nobody else will. This leads to balls under couches, chairs, low tables and beds. He does his best to get it, but then he comes for me. He knows I will retrieve it for him because I have the physical equipment to do it. He trusts me to never let him go without his ball. I know how much it means to him.
Hypothetically speaking I am Walter and I’ve lost my ball. I’ve looked in the usual places, but I just can’t reach it. My happiness is stuck somewhere I can’t reach.
But my God is equipped to help me reach it. I keep looking at Him expectantly, whining and crying, but He’s not helping me right now. I don’t understand why and I can’t understand the mind of God who planned and created my life purpose.
But this is only happiness I want back. Peace. Feeling of self-worth. It’s not like it 50 million dollars so I can tan on my yacht.
I just want my ball back because I can’t reach it.
But He has me waiting. Maybe the waiting is the lesson. Maybe I’m like an arrow pulled back to the breaking point about to be released into the bullseye of greatness. Maybe the suffering is to humble me. Maybe it’s time to grieve all the hurtful things in my life instead of being a stone wall against them. Maybe it’s time to hate Dan for what he did. Maybe it’s time to forgive him.
Maybe it is time to forgive myself. To love me past where I failed. To comfort me even when I know it was my fault. To accept myself as a true force of good. To let my light on that darkened hill never flicker as it leads others through the darkness.
Or maybe I should just go buy a new dang blasted ball and quit mourning what has passed.