There was a day a long time ago that I was in great shape…yes, a loooong time ago. Then came marriage, kids, running a business, some depression, snagging lunch from a Cheetos bag and leftover cupcake. Running nonstop with house and kid duties that by the time I had a moment to myself, I collapsed in a heap.
I took on some bad habits that I just deemed as “coping mechanisms” to get through the day. I ended up with the typical mom butt and as long as the kids were fed, healthy and OK, everything else could kiss that mom butt.
I’ve been writing here for a long time as I sorted out the mental bad habits I had and worked through my faith, purpose and self-esteem with an audience. Being a writer and working online just made a lot of those physical bad habits worse. I was convinced I’d find the answers to everything in writing vignettes of faith and a 3lb bag of Sour Patch Kids.
When the kids all went back to school, I had time to myself for the first time. I quickly tried to fill that with work, so I would feel better. Yeah, a busy schedule does not mean a fulfilled life.
I’ve had to take a step back and look at the demands I was putting on myself and put them in the pertinent or ridiculous files. I was wearing myself out and feeling worse. Struggling more with feelings of low self worth.
I cracked one of my dry heels on something and limped on it for weeks before I decided to take action. I bought a pumice stone and had a freaking epiphany…
In order to fix what was wrong with me, I was going to have to make time for me.
No matter the effort I put into the house, work or the kids; none of that was helping me. No matter how much I wrote about purpose and living a fulfilled life; I was sitting on a mom butt and cultivating that low self esteem by each pound I emptied from the candy bag that morphed into pounds on my rear.
So I’m taking a break from everything that I can snip out of what is necessary for my family. I am putting my foot to the pavement (literally) and learning to take time for me.
In fact, I have decided to take a full time job of taking care of me.
Eating healthier and actually walking up to 4 miles (right now…baby steps) a day. I’m seeing myself accomplish things that I wouldn’t have thought I could do a few weeks ago. I’m planning on running (oh sweet 8lb 6oz Baby Jesus help me) a half marathon in April with my sister. Running…taking steps to prove I deserve to take care of me and push myself to do something great for me.
Sure, it will benefit my health which is what my family deserves from me, but the biggest benefit will be that I have finally decided that taking care of myself is worth the time and effort. I didn’t consider myself worth it before.
Now, I am my full time job.
Categories: August 2013 Diary Entry