Dear Kitty,

I haven’t written much lately, because I’ve just gotten busy with the art of being busy, which in turn makes you wildly unproductive.

Most of my adult life, I ran a business. A darn good business. For over a decade, I created business relationships, marketed, put in manual labor, etc with no sick days or vacation days. I saw a direct correlation of hard work producing results. There were some slow times, but that always made me jump in and claw for more.

When I left that business behind me in pursuit of a new, meaningful start at life. I swore I wouldn’t work as much. I would be there for my kids. I wouldn’t value my worth based on my sales reports, but rather on a general feeling of time well spent.

I suck at this.

Writing…well, it’s slow and doesn’t yield an immediate result. Being a housewife….no immediate result and its the same thing every day for a mostly thankless client(s) who will trash in an instant what you cleaned or snarl tiny noses at a dinner you worked hard to prepare.

I look at my husband leaving everyday to go to work and I feel jealous and guilty.

Jealous because he is providing for our family in a way that I used to. Guilty because I’m not doing it any longer and there are no immediate results of the work I do.

The domain name to my social media life is coming up for renewal and it is causing me to reflect on what do I want to do next. There are some books in the works and I plug into social outlets here and there, but it doesn’t make me feel “busy” or “with purpose” much any more. Perhaps I am burnt out after shining in this online world. Perhaps I have imparted that one piece of advice to the one person who needed it and now my work here is done.

Pray with me? I don’t want to force anything to stop or start, but I need to be busy being busy. I need something more than making biscuits….all these posts lately abut “purpose” and boy, how I question mine….

Categories: may 2013 diary entry

Tags: , ,

3 replies

  1. I don’t think the need for your advice and your voice online will ever cease. There isn’t anything wrong with taking a step back and redefining where your path should lead you next though. Your answers will come.

  2. Your roll is being fulfilled as a Mother and Wife. You might not see your success right now, but the time will come when there is no one but you and Brian left at home and you can reflect back and say a job well done, now is my time. I always wanted to stay at home with Brian and Chris, which I did at different times, and I loved it. Maybe your place is right where you are now. Hang in there and enjoy the times you have with your family. My Aunt had 5 children, she cleaned when they were in school and then when the weather was good, and they came home all went fishing. Love ya Mema

  3. Your job here better not be done because I still NEED you! I don’t comment every day but there have been a lot of times when God has used your gentle words to speak truth to me, to remind me that I am loved, to back me away from the edge! I believe that He is still using your voice, your life and the way you see Him in the midst of it, in ways that you may never know this side of Heaven. But dear sweet Alycia … you are making a difference … to Bryan (did I spell that right), to your children, to your friends, and to a myriad of nameless, faceless people who just need someone to remind them that they matter!

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