Dear Kitty,

Dear Kitty,

In just a few days, my husband and I will be “leaving on a jet plane. Don’t know when I’ll…(I kid I kid) We will be coming back.

The children know we are leaving and know we are coming back.

Did you catch that? They KNOW we are coming back and for a few of the girls, this is HUGE! For me this is HUGE!

A year and a half ago, I couldn’t leave their sides. They couldn’t leave mine. It’s just where we were and how we handled what had happened. One day we were playing, we were talking on the phone, we were fighting, we were talking about making cookies and then it happened.

That moment that changes you into a fearful, hurt creature. The one second that shattered all that you knew and believed.

The one second where the girls still believed that both their parents would always be there.

That one second where I thought I could say “I’m sorry” tomorrow.

One second later we learned that someone can just disappear forever, we learned that not saying you are “sorry” or “I love you” right away is a second too late. We understood that we can be left behind, forgotten and feeling unimportant.

Yet, time and grace have been kind to us in all the seconds that came next.

We have learned we can heal and we can trust. We have learned to be a little kinder than needed. We have learned that each second matters and each person matters even more. We have learned to take chances.

Most importantly we have learned self-assurance and faith. While we understand that bad things are going to happen, we know that we can be OK. We can take a life that was wasted and give it glory by living out loud and loving. We can take the absolute messiest time of our life and create a beautiful message of hope and peace. We now know that when we are crumbled on the floor, we can be raised up higher than where we have ever seen.

Together we learned that by holding hands we are strong, but we can let go and know we aren’t really alone.

So when I board the plane and my throat closes a little knowing the distance between us, I will smile because I know that I am not leaving them alone.

…and frankly…when I return, I’ll know that I never left home because my home was with me all the while.

Categories: December Diary Entry, Uncategorized

Tags: , , , ,

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