Dear Kitty,

Dear Kitty,

Still answering your questions today.

S.A. asked “Is there something on your bucket list you are really looking forward to completing?

It wasn’t until recently that I acknowledged my “bucket list” I had dreams of stuff that I wanted to accomplish, but I didn’t really put a lot of stock in it, because I lost faith in myself for a long time.

Then this year has been “The Year Of The Horse.

It’s not so much a battle to accomplish things on a bucket list before I leave this Earth, but a change in mindset that nothing is impossible if I choose to do it. I have decided that I will no longer stand in the way of myself and I will at least try the things that I would like to do (which change from day to day)

S.E. asked “What is your favorite thing about the life that you are living right now and what is something that you struggle with?”

Coffee.

Just kidding (not much)

My favorite thing about my life that I am living now is that I have come to appreciate it. Life was just hard enough to make me realize what is really important and what are the things that we just need to move past.

Life now is chaotic (and that’s on a good day) and always begs me to struggle to see what my purpose is. God has given me some fantastic people who are willing to look past my past and help me stay in line with my purpose.

Something I struggle with is “Survivor’s Guilt.” Because I was unable to see or to save Dan from himself (and many times feel as though I am responsible) I want to change everyone who is suffering. I emotionally crumble when I come in contact with someone who is hurting and there is logically nothing I can do. If it was up to me, I would give everything I have to help.

Thankfully, God provided me with a husband who clearly sees this side in me and brings me back to reality. He comforts me when I feel broken and reminds me that I can not save the world. He also supports me when I do want to help someone (and can) but reminds me to not dwell in the past and that I can’t change what has already been done. He helps my motives stay pure as sometimes I struggle with “nothing I do will ever be enough.”
R.O. asked “What is/was it like growing up as a twin?”

For me, growing up a twin was frustrating. I have an intense desire to be an individual and in my school age years that was just about impossible. I was always paired with my sister. You didn’t hear one name without the other. We were/are polar opposites of each other, but in school years everyone seemed to expect that twins are the same. I sometimes went out of my way to prove that point.

As I have grown up, we have taken separate paths. We share some interests, but no more than any other sibling match from any family. I am glad that time allowed us to grow independently of each other as we took our own paths.

That being said, she has been there for me when I needed someone and although I wasn’t always the most appreciative person at the time, I can look back and say that when I really needed a sister/friend she was there.

A.B asked “would you go back to school now…as a child ? those of us who are parents know how much school has changed…”

In theory, no.

I loved school work (specifically English, Social Studies and had an intense hatred for anything Math based) but I would not want to repeat my school years.

I can look back on those days and know that I had an immortal view of life. I took risks and put myself in danger because I always believed I would get out of it. I made some horrible choices. That is why I wouldn’t go back to school in these days, not so much the academic side.

Because of all the political correctness and entitlement view that has seeped into this generation of children, I do not believe I could have succeeded in school years now as I did then.

Then I was told when I failed, made a bad choice and I had those who were willing to step in to cause a scene to prevent me from venturing further. I was told what choices to make and suffered consequences when I did not do the right thing.

While some teachers, mentors, etc. do exhibit that behavior today, it’s not as widely “smiled upon” and excuses are made while children make their own choices long before their mind is mature enough to process what it means long term.

…and frankly….that wraps up the answers for last weeks questions.



Categories: October Diary Entry, Uncategorized

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