I have been so humbled by the response that “Deciding To Dance” has received. It spent several days as #1 in grief and bounced between #5 and #3 for memoirs.
The rankings have been impressive to me, but there is something more behind just a rank on a scale.
There is this…
I found this review in a link on Twitter this morning
“Surviving Suicide” – written by Pamela
Excerpt: “Deciding to Dance is the story of loss. It takes the reader through the stages of grief and makes it three dimensional.
I read Deciding to Dance in one sitting. It held my attention from the start and there were several points within the book where I had to take a breath and wipe away my tears. I was learning from Alycia’s viewpoint, how selfish it is to commit suicide and leave behind a family who didn’t know how far gone you were. That you thought this was the only way… It reminds me that I am still here; that I didn’t give up.
Writing this memoir was painful at best. I battled its content many times and constantly was seeking advice to even make it public. I finally made a promise that if I received “X” number of views of “Y” number of emails, then I would do it.
It happened and although feeling very nauseated, I published it.
There were times during those rough days that I pleaded with God to make his death, our life that was left, mean something. “Don’t let it all be in vain. Show your glory through me and help me point this pain into purpose.”
This review? Even if it was the only one of this nature (which it’s not, Praise God!) causes a purpose to the pain. His pain, our pain and your pain.
There are portions in the memoir that I tried to recollect my feelings during those first months and I couldn’t find words, so I inserted my journal entries that were written in a moment of overwhelming emotion.
Grammatically I knew I was sinking myself if it met too many editors, but the result is evident in the reviews.
A life is made different. A person is seeing what suicide and mental illness does to those who are around.
My words are a direct answer to the statement that many who are thinking “Everybody would be better if I wasn’t around and nobody would miss me anyways.”
This is why I write.
I wrote my life down, because it is a direct reflection of no matter bad things seem in the moment there can be healing and hope. “Deciding To Dance” is a testimony of what broken looks like and the beauty that can be.
For those of you who have reached out to tell me what it means to you; thank you.
Categories: September Diary Entry