I normally don’t write much at night, at least, not here. Tonight though, my heart hurts for my friend. Tonight, I am writing to YOU.
When we first met, I saw you. I didn’t just see the smiling face you presented to me, I saw the you underneath. I should have reached out to you then, but I was scared. I was just coming out of dealing with pain and was happy. I was scared to deal with it again.
The second time I saw you, we laughed a little, but I could see your tears that were hidden. Slowly I reached out a little. I didn’t want to scare either of us.
Now we spend a lot of time emailing each other, talking business, talking life, bantering and every now and then it touches on that sadness.
I call you friend these days.
Today was your day though. The email shattered my heart, but it was time. It is time for both of us. I’m ready and you can’t scare me now.
Today you told me if it wasn’t for the Suicide graphic on my page…well, it makes you stop and go on for a little bit longer.
Tonight we talked briefly. I know you are ashamed now to talk to me. It took a lot of courage, probably all that you own right now, to email me. I thank you so much for finding that strength. I thank you for finding me.
I’ve been there. Feeling like things can’t get worse, nothing good can happen and every little hiccup feels like the last thing I could endure. There have been moments that I thought “why bother?” It wasn’t a bad day, week or month. It was years of pain. Pain I kept inside and couldn’t seem to find a way to make it stop. I knew of one way, that’s where you are.
What leads us to that point is different for everyone.
Who is going to miss you? Well, for one…ME! Even if there doesn’t feel like there is anyone else, I am here.
I can’t do anything right anyways? I will agree with you that life has been hard. In fact, times it downright sucks. But it’s not about what you have done. It’s not about what you CAN’T do. It’s about what you CAN. I’ve seen you interact with others personally and professionally. You may not see it, but people like you. It’s just the way you are. Business wise…you got the stuff. Maybe they don’t see it right now, but they will. This plan you had, it may change, but you will make it and be successful.
Don’t give up quite yet. Give it another day. We can tackle tomorrow when it comes.
You aren’t alone in this journey and I have faith that you can do this. You can make it through this today and into tomorrow. Keep reaching out and I will keep reaching back.
You are worth this.
Categories: August Diary Entry