Dear Kitty,

Dear Kitty,

I normally don’t write much at night, at least, not here. Tonight though, my heart hurts for my friend. Tonight, I am writing to YOU.

Dear YOU,

When we first met, I saw you. I didn’t just see the smiling face you presented to me, I saw the you underneath. I should have reached out to you then, but I was scared. I was just coming out of dealing with pain and was happy.  I was scared to deal with it again.

The second time I saw you, we laughed a little, but I could see your tears that were hidden. Slowly I reached out a little. I didn’t want to scare either of us.

Now we spend a lot of time emailing each other, talking business, talking life, bantering and every now and then it touches on that sadness.

I call you friend these days.

Today was your day though. The email shattered my heart, but it was time. It is time for both of us. I’m ready and you can’t scare me now.

Today you told me if it wasn’t for the Suicide graphic on my page…well, it makes you stop and go on for a little bit longer.

Tonight we talked briefly. I know you are ashamed now to talk to me. It took a lot of courage, probably all that you own right now, to email me. I thank you so much for finding that strength. I thank you for finding me.

I’ve been there. Feeling like things can’t get worse, nothing good can happen and every little hiccup feels like the last thing I could endure. There have been moments that I thought “why bother?” It wasn’t a bad day, week or month. It was years of pain. Pain I kept inside and couldn’t seem to find a way to make it stop. I knew of one way, that’s where you are.

What leads us to that point is different for everyone.

Friend, don’t.

Who is going to miss you? Well, for one…ME! Even if there doesn’t feel like there is anyone else, I am here.

I can’t do anything right anyways? I will agree with you that life has been hard. In fact, times it downright sucks. But it’s not about what you have done. It’s not about what you CAN’T do. It’s about what you CAN. I’ve seen you interact with others personally and professionally. You may not see it, but people like you. It’s just the way you are. Business wise…you got the stuff. Maybe they don’t see it right now, but they will. This plan you had, it may change, but you will make it and be successful.

Friend, don’t.

Don’t give up quite yet. Give it another day. We can tackle tomorrow when it comes.

You aren’t alone in this journey and I have faith that you can do this. You can make it through this today and into tomorrow. Keep reaching out and I will keep reaching back.

You are worth this.



Categories: August Diary Entry

Tags: , , ,

7 replies

  1. Praying for your friend and for God to give you the wisdom and love to continue to be there. You are an awesome lady, Alycia!

  2. There have been days when the only thing that stopped me was the knowledge that my choice would leave those I love with unbearable pain. I pray that I never get to a point where that isn’t enough. If I do … I pray that someone loves me enough to dive into the darkness after me and say, “please don’t.” And I pray … that some day … when I am far enough on the other side of the pain … that God can use the compassion that I learned on these dark days to bless someone in the midst of them!

    I’ll pray for your friend tonight, Alycia! She is blessed to have you in her life!

  3. This might be a little odd, but ask your friend to get tested for toxoplasmosis gondii (especially if she has cats.) There’s new research that shows that this little and ubiquitous parasite can make certain genetically susceptible people commit suicide. It’s treatable with antibiotics. Also, getting enough A/D/K and the B vitamins sharply reduces depression, and adequate magnesium helps you sleep and calms you down.

    ❤ It's another angle on a thorny problem.

  4. Oh this makes my heart hurt. Sending up all sorts of love and prayers.

  5. I always read your posts but rarely comment. I don’t “know” her but I can understand how she’s feeling. I’m glad that you reached out to her in this way. If she’s reading this I hope that she knows that she is loved and has value and worth in this world. People she doesn’t even know care about her. I’ll be praying for her.

  6. For your friend…

    You have been fearfully and wonderfully made, by a living and loving God who has filled you with gifts and a purpose. He knows and cares about each hair on your head, and holds each tear you cry.

    You are not alone. Just as surely as Spring follows Winter, the sun will shine for you again. Until then, know that I am praying for you and loving you, right where you are.

    xoxoxo
    Kate

  7. Thoughts with your friend, that they know that they would be missed, that people would care, do care. That there are those out there who can offer help, can offer an ear.

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