Dear Kitty,

There are 3 people I hate in this world. 3 people who incense me and I am more than willing to share with you their names.

“Nobody”

“Everybody”

“Somebody”

I hate “Nobody” way more than “Somebody” and a little more than “Everybody.”

“Nobody” causes a lot of havoc around my house. In fact every time something disappears or gets broken, I am told that “Nobody” did it. The toilet overflows? “Nobody” used it last. The last of the milk gets used and the jug gets put back empty? “Nobody” drank it. My phone is missing? “Nobody” misplaced it while playing games.

I almost accused “Somebody” of being the one who drew on the walls, but once again it was “Nobody.” A bunch of dirt got dumped on the couch the other day and although I just knew I saw “Everybody” doing it, the kids assured me that it was “Nobody.”

I keep looking for the culprit to all the mischief and shenanigans, but I can’t find “Nobody” around the house.

“Everybody” is smooth talking and tends to get people in trouble because they don’t want to be a “Nobody.”

When the cereal got dumped in the floor and I pulled a mischief maker out to ask why they would do it, she responded that “Everybody” was doing it. When my daughter had a melt down about having to wear boring white socks, she explained that “Everybody” wears cool rainbow ones. It seems that “Everybody” is really cool and puts the pressure on me to make sure that the kids aren’t left out of anything “Everybody” is doing.

I went to the school to pick up the kids and searched the crowd for “Everybody” that was wearing rainbow socks, had the coolest earrings and whose parents let them bring iPods to school. I saw a few, but I couldn’t identify the “Everybody” I kept hearing about. I did see “Somebody” wearing the cool socks, but “Everybody” wasn’t to be seen. I had heard there was a party that “Everybody” was going to, but since we didn’t go because “Somebody” lost the RSVP information at school, I wasn’t going to get to see “Everybody.”

“Somebody” is always trying to start trouble by spreading rumors. “Somebody” usually doesn’t cause physical problems, but prefers to tell what “Everybody” thinks and always tries to give information that isn’t wanted.

“Somebody” told my daughter that Santa Claus wasn’t real and to trust that because “Everybody” doesn’t believe in Santa either. “Somebody” told the other kids about the secret stash of candy I keep for mood enhancement reasons. “Nobody” actually got into it, but “Somebody” said it was OK. “Somebody” also told the kids that parents only really love you if you take them to game & pizza places for treats. Apparently, “Everybody” loves their kids more, because “Nobody” would deny their kids a giant mouse and a ball pit.

It seems no matter what I do, “Somebody” has a better idea. This is proved because “Everybody” goes along with it.

I am tired of “Nobody” causing trouble for us.

…and frankly…”Everybody” would be better off without “Somebody” all doing what “Nobody” does.

Categories: August Diary Entry

Tags: everybody does it, hate everybody, nobody is to blame., somebody making trouble