Dear Kitty,

Dear Kitty,

I read an article yesterday in which a man detailed out how so many members of his family had committed suicide, how he takes risks that jeopardize his life and how he believes he has predisposition for suicide.

If I was a therapist and you were on my therapy couch talking about this, do you know what I would do?

First I would probably hug you, because I think most human problems are better solved when you start off with a hug. Then I would grab every throw pillow I could find and pummel you with it.

What would you do then?

Probably cover your body from the pillow assault or jump off the couch and demand a refund on your therapy session.

Do you know why?

Because you have a predisposition for life, you thick headed jerk.

From the moment your mother had her first contraction, you began to fight for living life on your own terms. (I know this because you are a human that required birth and obviously you are here reading this.)

So you argue that by biological reasons, you are destined to not care about your life.

It doesn’t matter if your mother was wanting to die that moment of your birth (which I think most women who are in the throes of pushing a kid out has possibly entertained) you were pushing to live. It is your predisposition to LIVE!

I don’t care what Uncle Joe-Schmoe or Sister Jane-Schmoe decided for their life, this is YOUR life. You make the choices.

It’s like a man who is born with no legs or loses them at some point. Sure, he has a reason to lay in the floor helpless. But he also has the choice to learn to use crutches, prosthetic limbs or a wheel chair to get him from point A to point B.

He also has a choice to train for and run in the Olympics.

So your life has been a series of trials, bad choices or pain; where is it written that it can’t change for you tomorrow?

That is the biggest reason to keep living. You don’t KNOW tomorrow.

You may have a biological trait of mental illnesses. You may have a biological trait for chemical dependency. You may have a circumstantial trait of a less than accommodating series of  unfortunate life events.

Regardless of all that, you have the predisposition to LIVE.

YOU make the choice to get back up and fight. YOU make the choice to seek help. YOU make the choice to believe in YOU.

“But nobody will miss me when I am gone…”

Maybe there is nobody who will miss you, but is this because you gave up living long ago?

How about quit focusing on who will cry over your grave, missing you and start wondering what YOU are going to miss?

You will miss out on tomorrow. You will miss out on love. You will miss out on a chance. You will miss out on a future.

Dan took his life and over the course of a year this is what he missed:

  • His youngest daughter’s first word.
  • His oldest daughter’s first day of school.
  • His oldest two daughters riding bikes with no training wheels.
  • 365 days of hugs.
  • 365 days of “I love you”
  • 365 days of people wishing that he hadn’t made that choice.

So nobody is going to miss you, huh? Well if that isn’t a lesson ripped out of a textbook in Selfishness 101…it’s more about what YOU are going to miss out on.

So you have a predisposition towards suicidal tendencies based on your family history…go back to the very moment you took your first breath. The moment that regardless of what all your family members (current and past) were doing, you fought for that moment of life.

…and frankly…THAT is your predisposition. THAT is your reason to face tomorrow. YOU were born to LIVE!

*If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, please call the hotline. There are people who will not give up on you, even when you want to give up on yourself. You are not weak for calling. You are strong enough to say “I can’t do this on my own” and there are people who want to help on the other side of the line.

Categories: August Diary Entry

Tags: , , ,

1 reply

  1. As someone who once tried, I can say that suicide is very selfish. I’m so glad that God’s plan for me was greater than my selfish one. There is SO much I would have missed out on if I’d been successful 21 years ago. I hope any reading this who feel this way take your words to heart. Suicide is NEVER the answer, and even when you think you’re alone, you aren’t. Someone somewhere is feeling exactly what you are, or has felt exactly the way you have.

    Life is worth living with all its nicks and bruises along the way. It’s only temporary, whatever it is you go through, and at the end of tunnel, the light appears, and you are stronger for having survived the tunnel then you were when you first stepped into it.

    Great post, Alycia!

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