Dear Kitty,
You know what makes me want to kick a wall? (Which I wouldn’t ever do because then I would have to clean up a mess, patch a wall and probably tend to a broken toe)
Those “It-Could-Be-Worse” people.
You sound off about a bad hair day and they remind you that some people don’t have hair.
You gripe about a new pair of shoes you would like to have and they tell you about someone who ties cardboard to their feet.
You grumble about the fact that your kids are fighting and they remind you how lucky you are to have children.
Come on people. We are aware that things “could be worse.” We see it on the news, in our communities and sometimes within our own families. We are not blinded to what “real” problems are.
Why then must we cast all of our feelings aside and live in a perpetual state of eternal graciousness? Just because we have blessings are we not allowed to entertain some disappointment or longing at times?
OK I know the green tinted envy of jealousy where we curse our neighbor because he just parked a brand new sparkling yacht in his driveway is a big “no-no,” but what about the type of longing that makes you believe that you can work harder for something that you want? What about knowing your children can be angels and just wishing that they would behave that way a little more often?
Then someone comes along with a “it could be worse” statement and ultimately make us feel guilty and unworthy of our desires.
Just because I have the worst head of hair planted on a female in my opinion, does not make me unsympathetic to the people who lost their hair fighting cancer or have a disease that robbed them of hair. I am very sympathetic and acknowledge that I have never had to endure that type of trial.
Just because I didn’t like the food placed before me, does not blind me to the millions who die from hunger or go to bed with nothing more than a bowl of rice all day. I’m not heartless, I just strongly dislike asparagus.
It’s like this whenever we voice an opinion on anything. There will always be someone who disagrees with us either through principle or life situations that they have endured.
I know personally I have to refrain my voice when someone complains that their spouse is cruel because they were prohibited from buying their 213th pair of shoes. My life experiences have taught me different.
I have to zip my lip when someone says that having one child is hard because they don’t get to go out every Friday night with the girlfriends like they used to. Having 7 kids in the house has taught me different.
I don’t want to be the one to tell them “it could be worse” though. We are all (every single planet inhabitant) on different journeys and not one of us has ever walked the same path in the same pair of shoes (or cardboard pieces if you will) How very emotionally intrusive must we be to assume that we have the right to take away or diminish someone else’s struggles or desires.
Isn’t that desire the thing that makes us strive harder and believe that we are good enough to have what we desire?
Aren’t those struggles the things that make us human, help bond us and teach us in life?
Wouldn’t it just be kinder and more loving to let someone voice how they really feel without tearing apart and making them feel small? Even if our life situations have taught us that “it could be worse,” couldn’t we consent that they have the human right to feel disappointment or longing?
…and frankly…I still hate my hair.
Categories: August Diary Entry
Dear Kitty, 
Dear Kitty, 
Dear Kitty 
Alycia Neighbours 
it could be worse, you could have MY hair……….oh wait, my hair is awesome. Sorry, stinks for you 🙂
You suck and I have scissors.
Just kidding, but I know what you mean. It was really hard to hear people complain about their job when I wanted one so desperately, but I know that my lack of employment didn’t make it any easier for them to get their kids to soccer practice, or whatever. I did often say, “You wanna quit?” “I’ll take it?”
Then I could have hair like yours……in the nightstand drawer 🙂
Then I can make a voodoo doll of you (if I believed in voodoo, which I don’t, so this is a moot point) and torture you from a distance.
“We are all (every single planet inhabitant) on different journeys and not one of us has ever walked the same path in the same pair of shoes (or cardboard pieces if you will)” ~~ This!! When we were going through such a hard time with D before he went to residential treatment, there was a 20-something psychology tech at the psychiatrist’s office. She would tell me every single time I talked to her, “I’m sorry, I understand exactly what you’re going through.” On a particularly bad day, after the 3rd time she said it, I said, “Do you have kids? Has your kid ever had to be on this class of medication? Has your child been diagnosed with any of these things? Are you considering placing your child anywhere other than your own home? No?? Then I would suggest you NEVER tell another parent you know exactly what they’re going through because you have NEVER walked in their shoes…even if their shoes are easier to walk in than mine are, YOU DON’T KNOW!” I don’t feel the least bit guilty for telling her…maybe I should?
You should not be made to feel guilty for wishing you had a pair of nike’s when you had to buy shoes at Walmart or for thinking how nice it would be to have beautiful, sleek, shampoo commercial hair instead of hair that’s frizzy because your pregnancy hormones changed the texture of your hair.
And … I have crappy hair too. It used to be beautiful and sleek, now it has just enough curl to look awful. Come sit by me on the bad hair couch…I’ll share my ponytail holders so we can pull it back. 🙂
Oh and … you two are making me laugh. 🙂
Lena, I would be honored to share ponytail holders with you!! Keri has “to-die-for-hair” even when it’s bad it’s commercial worthy.
Yes…I can only imagine the comments that you got with D. I totally want to kick another wall with the “I know what you are going through” people too. Maybe we have an inkling of the tortures that another sees coming, we don’t know how it feels in THEIR skin.
Thanks for commenting ❤
You know, I don’t see anything wrong with a good pity party from time to time. I think those “it could be worse” people have their place, and I often wish there was one around when dealing with those people I know who are perpetually complaining. But, I think it’s perfectly acceptable, and often very therapeutic, to occasionally gripe about the things in life that suck, even if others may have it worse. Heck, we’ve all had it worse, but that doesn’t mean the feelings we’re having right now aren’t valid.
Great comment Stephanie!
As a guy who has the opportunity to hear a lot of different types of hurts from many different people, I really appreciate your thoughts. I’ve found that most people just need someone to listen; especially when life gets us down. I hurt for those who have no food or money or even a job. I pray for them, give money to charity and even take the homeless guy to Captian D’s ever so often yet I still find myself complaining about the food on my plate or even the job that I have. I don’t think it’s because I don’t feel and see the great need in the world. I think it’s because I’m human and I just need someone to come along beside me and listen. Those are the folks who help me get my head back on straight without saying a word. They come to my pity party, listen to my sad story, encourage me and somehow, without a word, let me know that life is still good. I hope to be a friend like that. Thanks Alycia for reminding me of that!
A lot of times, just being able to voice my dissatisfaction or disappointment makes me feel better – but if a “it could be worse” person buts in, it takes all those better feelings away and leaves me feeling worse.