Last night I went to bed wounded. Something was said that wasn’t meant to hurt my feelings, but I let those messy little things get in the way. I was sitting in the living room with my husband and oldest step-son and it was remarked many times that I must have gotten my parenting methods from the movie “Major Payne”
Here is a quote that was directly pointed at me:
“Move it, you turds! You’ll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between “spit” and “syphilis!”
True, I don’t baby the kids or anyone else. If you come to me with a paper cut and scream like you are dying; I’m not going to get down and cry with you. I’ll tell you it’s no big deal and go back to play. If you got stung by a bee, I will quickly and efficiently provide medicine and we will move on to the next thing. If you had surgery and the post-op instructions say that walking is good for you; I will demand you give me 5 laps around the house.
On the flip side and what doesn’t get seen very often…I check your paper cut after your bath, put antibiotic ointment on it and a band-aid where I drew a little smiley face on it, stick it to the cut with a kiss and a promise it will feel better tomorrow. I google “bee stings” and make sure there is no allergic reaction and keep on top of the timing of the medicines so that you are as itch free as possible. During your surgery I paced in worry and read everything I could about it; formulating the best care for your recovery so that you can get back to living life the way you want.
For me, I learned that reactions to the bad things that happen can sometimes be worse than the actual action. My adult life has been full of a lot of pain; physical and emotional. I had to decide whether I was going to allow that pain to control me further. I choose to acknowledge the pains but to move on past them; don’t give in but keep fighting.
I am very sympathetic to the needs of others, but more than that I want you to be strong. To know that you have something very powerful inside of you that beats any pain you may be feeling. To understand that your reaction to the pain is teaching you how you are going to react to future pain. Life is painful at times and I want you to face it fighting through; not lying down and letting it overwhelm you.
There will be times that are very painful. Times that you are knocked flat and all the strength you thought you had seems to be gone. Yet, if you have developed the mindset that you are powerful and strong; you’ll make it through.
I will be there too; with sympathy. It may seem I am pushing you past what you can handle, but I am pushing you in love. I am begging you to see that you are capable and prevailing. I want you to discover and put to use your tenacity. I want you to live fully and loudly.
…and frankly…. never confuse my desire for your essence of courage to be less than my sympathy for you.
Categories: Diary entry June