The Ex-Files

This week I had the honor of writing at “A Year With Myself” about “Letting Go – Making Space For Inviting The New

Excerpt:

How often have we stood in sight of something new; something better, but can’t let go of what we have?

Often it doesn’t even mean losing completely what we had, but just releasing it to make us open to receive the new.

If you have ever asked yourself how to let go of suffering, why showing vulnerability is crucial, and how to nurture yourself in times of change….Go check it out. You are going to love this prompt and tons more prompts from some wonderful instigators just wanting to help you be the best you.

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On the same note as above; I think one of the hardest things we have to deal with in our own minds is “The Ex-Files” when we are standing in the new and letting go of the old.

Whether it is an ex-spouse, ex-friend, ex-job or ex-life; our little voices inside our heads go totally bonkers with comparing, critiquing and criticizing our new choices. We are constantly looking at the B.C. (Before Change) period of our lives and measuring it up to the here and now.

Here is the biggie: When you are looking at your THERE you are not living in your HERE.

This past weekend, the Mister and I went on mini-vacation without the kids. We went with no plans on where we were going and what we were doing. He had done many vacations before we married, but this was a new one for me.

I became guilty of comparing my B.C. moments to my “Here and Now.” Rather than living in my moment and enjoying myself; I would berate my past and all the things I had missed out on. I finally snapped at dinner at a steakhouse.

As I looked at the prices on the menu, I began shaking. Dan had been strict with money. We didn’t splurge, we saved. He believed it more prudent to cook at home and would rant about how restaurants were overpriced, vacations were irresponsible and the reason most couples experienced financial ruin.

My husband noticed my turmoil and with a few sentences reminded me that this is the HERE AND NOW. Shocked back into reality, I enjoyed that meal more than I think I have ever enjoyed a meal. Then we rode the sky lift at night to see the lights in the city below us and I think it was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Those moments when I closed the Ex-Files were some of the most spectacular moments to mold into memories.

I worried no more about the things I had not done before. I didn’t give a pause to wonder if he was comparing his B.C. times against me. I embraced each moment as it came and lived fully in the HERE AND NOW.

Closing the Ex-Files in our lives is acknowledging that we deserve to live in our todays. Our yesterdays and the choices made in our past belong in those closed files. They don’t deserve to sneak into our moments that will be memories. If our hearts are full of our past thoughts and regrets; how can we possibly have the room in our heart to live in the moment?

It’s time to let go of the yesterday and open ourselves to the newness of today.

It’s time to close the Ex-Thoughts, Ex-Feelings, Ex-Regrets and LIVE.



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1 reply

  1. Not sure why that is such a hard lesson for some of us to learn. Excellent post as always, Alycia. And thanks for the heads up about “A Year with Myself.”

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