I learned through this past year that just because I am not in control does not mean that there is no control.
Many times when I was in the middle of the “stuff whirlwind” I felt as though there was no purpose. I couldn’t imagine that any of this was planned. It was out of control in my mind and I was lost as to how I could possibly even come out on the other side of it standing; much less better off than I was. It’s because it wasn’t what I envisioned for my life. I wasn’t MY perfect plan, so it was “out of control.”
My life has been planned out with a purpose and while I may not understand it…as long as there is breath in my lungs I am still fulfilling the plan. I get side-tracked and I make mistakes….yet, did I? Perhaps those sidetracks and mistakes are actually lessons that I need for the next challenge that I am to face.
Not a single day or a single face passes that wasn’t meant for me. Every tiny detail is part of a bigger part. I wrote more about that at “Connections and Coincidences” Each part is a little piece of a huge 1500 piece puzzle dumped out on the floor. It looks pointless and if I try to design my own picture it won’t work. I have to match piece by piece until it matches the design that it was created for.
It’s up to me to continue to walk along the path that has been designed even though I don’t know where it will lead. It takes faith that where I am being led is to better me and not to hurt me. To be available every time I am called to be ME. Because when I am out of control…I am in control…HIS control.
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Alycia Neighbours 
This is absolutely correct. Giving up the control was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It feels weird, but at the same time? Boy, do I feel lighter. This was a lot of baggage to lug around everywhere!!
It took me the better part of 5 really “bad” years to START to figure that out! You’re way ahead of the curve!
Hi
My name is Jenna and i came across your blog. I find your blog very inspiring. I have many challenges that I face. I have a life threatening disease, and 13 other diagnois. I suffer a lot from anxiety, and depression my doctor suspects that I have bipolar. My dad deffinatly had bipolar and manic depression. He is a heavy drinker, and can be very nasty to me and my mom. I am starting to learn to walk away when he says mean stuff, and not comment but it is really hard. He also suffered cancer three times, and has congenital heart failure. You are an inspiration to me.
My email is alycia.neighbours@gmail.com. I’m here to listen when you need to talk.