Carve Out A Cave

Beyond the 16 tons of laundry in queue to be done and the washer that never sleeps….

Far past the 5 lbs of beef and 3 bags of broccoli and 4 cans of corn that need to be prepared for dinner…

A great distance from all the chaos of getting this one out of the tree, that one out of the bathroom, these two to quit fighting, helping that one with homework, teaching this one about potty training and that one about to be in tears because someone is in their room…

Surpassing all the above is a greater task begging for attention. A calling so colossal that I might as well be trying to build a genuine snowman in the Sahara.

Carving out my cave.

The spot for me to unwind without the pounding on the bathroom door, without the piercing scream telling me that someone is eating their boogers, the place where I can’t hear that stupid toy sing the ABC’s in a cracked out, helium voice one-more-stinking-time or the anguished pity party of I’m thirsty and I want chocolate milk and she got more than me and he touched my cup and I wanted the green one-no the red one-no the green one – YOU DON’T LOVE ME….

Without my cave, I exist. I function at a ceaseless level of energy flowing from one mindless task to the next. (Except for the times that I sit back and come up with creative ways to cause that ABC toy a torturous death) My hands are busy, my heart is full; it’s robotic at best though.

Every person and especially every mom needs a cave. A cave to retreat to renew herself. A place where she gets back in touch with who she is at her core. Where she gets to lose herself in a book for a little while. Where she gets to chat with a girlfriend about purses that aren’t big enough to carry around a sippy cup, pull-up, 4 hot wheels, 2 barbies and a snack for each child. Where she gets to become acquainted again with what makes her uniquely the person she was before she took on the title “Mom.”

I carved out my cave when I first got into our new home. A room off the house with 3 sides full of windows. I placed comfy seats, desk and an oversized fountain in arrangements that probably go against every law of Feng-shui (I wouldn’t know I haven’t had time to read about it for the repeated requests to read “Llama Llama Mad At Mama”) My biggest rule…No TV and minimal child invasion. It’s my place of renewal. To reconnect with Alycia. The Alycia who loves to paint. The Alycia who loves to read. The Alycia who chats with friends. The Alycia that I love to know.

The day gets hectic and I find my soul pulled to that area. My mind begs me to unplug from “Mom” for just a few moments. Even if I just sit down and stare out the window in heart fulfilling daydreams, it steadies me. Being a Mom is my calling and I adore what I do and the little beings around me that gave me that title. But I am still Alycia and reconnection with her is essential.

Categories: Uncategorized

11 replies

  1. Love this!!! It is so true, yet as a mom, I ususally put myself on the back burner. If I took time to reconnect with me, I know I would be a better wife and mother! Thanks for the reminder!! Hope you’re doing well!!!

    • I am doing well (hiding in my cave currently) Thank you for asking! Yes, I believe that reconnection is fundamental to make sure we don’t lose sight of self, dreams and why we choose our paths! Thanks for commenting, Jennifer.

  2. A cave is essential whether for everyone, it’s not just a Mom thing! Your post reminds me that my cave needs some sprucing up and decluttering. It’s still the place I come to but I know how much better it feels when it’s clear and comfortable and intentional.

    • Agreed Sandi…not only do we need a cave, but it needs to physically reflect our needs for renewal. Candles, fountains, soft fuzzy pillow, lots of books, etc….whatever is YOU that brings you back to your center of self.

  3. I so agree with you! We have a, not so big, house and when my daughter and her kids moved back in a few years ago the best space to give them was *mine.* And although I loved having them around and wanted to provide them a safe haven … I missed my sanctuary! I’m glad you have one … even in your suddenly much larger family!

    • Don’t get me wrong…I often I have to fight to clear out my cave from distractions…cause if Mom is in there; that’s where the kids want to be. The husband is a great help in making sure I have my time that I need. I encourage you to find a corner if that’s all that you can do…and make it yours.

  4. I am jealous of your cave. I get my time after the kids have gone to bed. Since my little is pretty good about letting me play on the computer during the day (but heaven forbid I try to actually write something, lol!) so I’ve began curling up on the sofa to catch my shows, shutting out the internet entirely. It works for me.

    • Of course you have seen part of my cave…the part where the dogs hang out outside the window and distract me to no end…LOL! I’m still working on that short fiction with the compass and once again….surrounded by whining and pawing (plus what the dogs are doing…) Love to you!!

  5. I don’t have a cave either. My time is after everyone is in bed. Right now they are outside on break… as I homeschool, also. I truly need to get back to my crafty side. and Friday night with everyone around the table with paper and what ever to just to let the creative out. I would like to take a drawing class again. It has been 20 years.

  6. Do you have any suggestions on what to do if you never have that cave?

  7. My husband has his man cave, so why don’t I? crap on that. I love this post and this notion, Alycia. PS will I see you at Blissdom? #flasktribereunion

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