Beyond the 16 tons of laundry in queue to be done and the washer that never sleeps….
Far past the 5 lbs of beef and 3 bags of broccoli and 4 cans of corn that need to be prepared for dinner…
A great distance from all the chaos of getting this one out of the tree, that one out of the bathroom, these two to quit fighting, helping that one with homework, teaching this one about potty training and that one about to be in tears because someone is in their room…
Surpassing all the above is a greater task begging for attention. A calling so colossal that I might as well be trying to build a genuine snowman in the Sahara.
Carving out my cave.
The spot for me to unwind without the pounding on the bathroom door, without the piercing scream telling me that someone is eating their boogers, the place where I can’t hear that stupid toy sing the ABC’s in a cracked out, helium voice one-more-stinking-time or the anguished pity party of I’m thirsty and I want chocolate milk and she got more than me and he touched my cup and I wanted the green one-no the red one-no the green one – YOU DON’T LOVE ME….
Without my cave, I exist. I function at a ceaseless level of energy flowing from one mindless task to the next. (Except for the times that I sit back and come up with creative ways to cause that ABC toy a torturous death) My hands are busy, my heart is full; it’s robotic at best though.
Every person and especially every mom needs a cave. A cave to retreat to renew herself. A place where she gets back in touch with who she is at her core. Where she gets to lose herself in a book for a little while. Where she gets to chat with a girlfriend about purses that aren’t big enough to carry around a sippy cup, pull-up, 4 hot wheels, 2 barbies and a snack for each child. Where she gets to become acquainted again with what makes her uniquely the person she was before she took on the title “Mom.”
I carved out my cave when I first got into our new home. A room off the house with 3 sides full of windows. I placed comfy seats, desk and an oversized fountain in arrangements that probably go against every law of Feng-shui (I wouldn’t know I haven’t had time to read about it for the repeated requests to read “Llama Llama Mad At Mama”) My biggest rule…No TV and minimal child invasion. It’s my place of renewal. To reconnect with Alycia. The Alycia who loves to paint. The Alycia who loves to read. The Alycia who chats with friends. The Alycia that I love to know.
The day gets hectic and I find my soul pulled to that area. My mind begs me to unplug from “Mom” for just a few moments. Even if I just sit down and stare out the window in heart fulfilling daydreams, it steadies me. Being a Mom is my calling and I adore what I do and the little beings around me that gave me that title. But I am still Alycia and reconnection with her is essential.