Today has been one of those days with the kids. You know…one of THOSE days.
Don’t judge. You’ve been there too. Admit it!
To those of you who do not know the joy of having children…let me help you out:
- Give all your money to a bum
- Cook plenty of hot meals for everyone but you
- Throw away all of the tablespoons in your new silverware set.
- Throw away half of the socks you just bought as well
- Get a box of crackers and crush them. Now dump that all over your couch, bed and in your purse.
- Do all of your shopping with small yipping chihuahuas biting and attached to your legs.
- Pee with an audience
- Smear snot, food and puke all over your clean clothes and sheets
- Play a non-stop recording of 20 questions and “Mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mommy”
- Take your wallet and ask a random stranger to hide everything important in it inside the dryer, fridge and in a toy chest
- go into a toy store and hit every “Try Me” button of the noise maker toys and stand there for 10 hours and listen
- start a movie and stop it 15 minutes in and then throw the DVD away
- if something brings you joy (cake, cookies, ice cream) only spell the word from now on
- shave only one leg at a time. Days apart
- go to a bakery and count all the sprinkles on a cupcake and then adjust so they are all even
- catch throw up with your bare hands
- arrange a full plate of food from mashed potatoes, gravy, mac & cheese in 5 seconds without anything touching
- Clean something with spit
- Run all day, bend, stretch, lean, pick up, put down, pick up again, walk, skip, play ring-a-round-the-rosie, run some more, bend some more, lift, lean, pick up….still gain 5 lbs.
- Repeat the same request 546 times to a wall.
- Collapse exhausted in bed only to be enthusiastic at the request for “One more kiss, mommy/daddy…I love you.”