It’s “Time To Talk Day 2011” at Violence Unsilenced
This is copied from the site:
This Thursday, December 8, 2011, is the 7th annual It’s Time to Talk Day, a day that is, in the words of Violence UnSilenced board member Stacy Morrison, “dedicated to just this one goal: to start and continue conversations about relationship abuse, domestic violence, and emotional abuse, to join together in making an effort to raise awareness and reverse the humbling statistics:
1 in 3 women will be in an abusive relationship in her lifetime.
On average, more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States.
Teenage girls are reporting dating abuse at rates higher than women, which makes them the most at-risk group for abuse in America.
One in five tweens—ages 11 to 14—say their friends are victims of emotional, physical or verbal dating violence.”
These are sobering stats, but we here at Violence UnSilenced are ever-reverent of the power of simply talking about abuse, of bringing it up out of the shadows of secrecy and shame and giving voice to what was once unspeakable. We do it all year long.
I read the headlines and almost threw up.
A woman (just like me) fled an abusive marriage (just like me) tried to keep her children safe (just like me) and he hunted them down and shot his four children, injured his wife (thank God not like me) then turned the gun on himself (just like him)
My children and I? We are statistics. We are victims. We are SURVIVORS.
Many murmured that at least he was the only victim of his crime.
He wasn’t the only victim. I had been his victim for 12 years. His children had been his victims all their lives. I had been paralyzed by the control he had over me and the promise if I ever left; he would kill me. I had no reason to doubt him. I did not want to involve others. For many years I believed that I just needed to be a better wife. If only I could be everything he wanted me to be; it would stop. I pushed the children to walk the line with me. Be perfect. Perfect was never enough.
He took me down to a level of self-esteem that I didn’t believe I deserved better. I covered for him. I told lies to others who saw the marks. I sat in an Emergency room with a broken arm, rib and hair pulled out and although the doctors knew the truth; I told the lie. It’s just what you do. The promise of being protected is never believed. Your abuser is the only one with strength. You just believe it.
When I looked at my 5 year old daughter’s battered face, I didn’t believe it anymore. Her hurt eyes finally shattered the illusion he had created. A child didn’t deserve this. I began finally reaching out to people. A moment of weakness or strength; my heart battled on that one. As friends and family gathered around me; I found my strength to leave. By unsilencing the violence; I found my strength. Not a day passed that I didn’t believe he would kill me. Yet, I refused to let my children believe that we deserved to stay in that life. They needed to believe no matter the cost that we were entitled a life without the fear of physical, emotional and verbal abuse. No matter the cost. It was something I was willing to die for.
That news story? In the time it takes for a bullet to leave a gun, could have been us. Mental illness knows no rational.
Here on my blog I have told our story. I finally decided to cover for him no longer. The violence needed to be unsilenced. There was a time he had been a good man. There was a time he believed in God. He snapped and never came back. There were 5 victims in this story. Him, our 3 daughters and I. Fortunately there was only one causality.
If you are a victim of domestic violence; it’s not YOUR fault. There is a NEVER an excuse. There are places you can go, people who care and a life for you to live. Make the choice today to begin living again.
Visit LOVE IS NOT ABUSE for help finding resource, identify warning signs and get help.