Waiting on her dreams

Dear Dan,

While having a moment with Annie last night, she mentioned that she understood that you were dead, living in heaven and had really big wings (I added the “really big wings” part because I figure you need really big ones to help fly you away from me when we meet again…you are gonna need some speed for survival.) Then she said she really wanted to get to heaven so she could give you a hug. I explained the “You can’t get there from here” mentality. She wanted to know when she could go. I responded that “It’s not your time yet. That’s a long time from now.” She got really insistent and I started losing the upperhand on logic.

I polled the audience.

I had some friends over last night taking care of us and I told Annie I had to go check on the baby (I know…telling a lie during a conversation about God is going to deduct some major heaven points, but I didn’t know what else to do right then) and I went and asked the wife how she would handle that question. She told me to tell Annie that you would check on her in her dreams or angels come in our dreams (I don’t really remember how she put it, because she ended up coming in the bedroom and talking to Annie herself and I got distracted by a cartoon of Casper on Annie’s TV…ADD knows no bounds even in crisis…squirrel…)

The point being, she now believed that she could wait until her dream to see you.

Around 3am, I got shaken awake by a very pissed off 5 year old. She had dreamed and you were a “No Show.”

It’s very difficult to wake up and have a meaningful theological or otherwise conversation at 3am.

I asked what she had dreamed about and she had dreamed that she was at school and Jill (our dog) had gone with her and colored a better picture during color time. (I may or may not have started laughing at our kid for dreaming that our dog was coloring in Kindergarten) So I tried to explain that you hadn’t shown up in that dream because she was dreaming about school and school is something that she does by herself because she is a big girl. That kind of worked, although in no time Isabella had joined her and I had two kids in the bed. (PS..I hold you personally responsible for the agonizing pain my back is in from sharing the bed with two bed hogs that kick…that’s another mark against you that you will pay for)

Now she wants to know how she can make you show up in her dreams so she can see you.


Once again…I have to point the finger at you, become the nagging one and blame you for failing our kid again. The list of why you are a jerk has grown substantially longer since your death. I’ve actually considered moving it to a notebook because I really am thinking that I will be able to fill it up by the time these kids are all 18.

Yesterday marked exactly one month since you made the choice that you got to determine when you checked out of life. I can’t believe the amount of work, agonizing emotions and love from friends that have gone on in the past month. It’s been a roller coaster alright and one that none of us had the choice to stand in line for. Thanks a lot jerk, for taking us on your ride.

I don’t know if you have noticed, but I’m doing pretty good now. I have peeps that truly love me and it’s “EPIC” what they have done for me and the girls (sorry readers, I’ve been spending time around young people who really like that word and I just had to be “with it” and use it.) I’ve been having my butt kicked on a daily basis dealing with the crap you left behind (BTW…Bobby helped me clean out your jeep yesterday. Did you really think keeping a receipt from McD’s from April was needed and what the heck is up with pile of day planner inserts…ahem…you were a pig) Yet, in the middle of the butt kicking; I’ve really been having fun for the first time in about 12 years. SO take that, Mister.

Alright, that’s enough for now. I have some life to go live. (See….it’s an easy choice to make, you jerk.) Oh and don’t disappoint that kid in her dreams again…she’s waiting on you.

Categories: Uncategorized

2 replies

  1. Wow, I’m just reading these posts and I can’t stop thinking that Dan just had no idea how much his death would tear you all apart. I hate that he might have feltthat he was “teaching you a lesson” or “you were all better off without him” what a jerk right? I hate that he was that sad, depressed, sure of his unworhiness and I hate it even more for you. Divorce or Death and he picked something ireversible.
    Much love to you…and keep writing, I am here and listening to you my beautiful friend.

  2. DItto to EVERY last word the previous poster left. I, myself, have ZERO talent for writing so I just not my head in agreeance with others.

    And yes, still stalking you on a daily basis 😉

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