This will be my last note to you on my blog. I had a horrible night last night and felt the weight of the world on me.
That was then. This is now.
Now I will walk my own path. Alone. That’s how you wanted it, but I’m not truly alone.
I will do the very things that make me happy and make our children laugh.
I will watch Beaches and not brush away the tears for fear of being made fun of.
I will go to my friends and families houses, because unlike you…I crave the contact.
I will waste my money on Christmas decorations, birthday cakes and decorations of every holiday.
I will wear my heels and skirt and will dance in the light of this life.
I will not blame you leaving us for all of our problems, I will solve the problems left behind and create something wonderful.
That was then, but I am living life NOW.
I now realize that anything, anybody can be gone in an instant. Even I…in an instant “Poof”
I will be kinder than normal, I will leave bigger tips for waiters, I will kiss more often, I will read that 18th bedtime story. I will acknowledge that those who I deal with every day may be fighting bigger demons than I can see and I will offer my friendship at every chance.
That was then, this is now.
For 15 years we shared a life together. We had many laughs and I shed many tears. Your hold on me was too strong to break and I gave up a lot of life. I am thankful that through this tragedy…you spared me and our beautiful girls. We have a lot of repairing to be done, but we are strong and we are living. I will miss the Dan of the old days. The one that can make me laugh in an instant. The wit. The intellect. I however do not miss the Dan who lost his mind and had no regard for his wife and children.
I will always love you in a part of my heart, but the part of my heart that loves the most is loving life. Goodbye Dan. May you have found peace.
That was then….LIFE is now.