Dear Dan,

Today I went and registered Annie for kindergarten. This whole suicide thing and what you are missing out on…YOU SUCK! I got to the point where I had to fill out mother and father information. I wanted to sob like a baby as I just marked a big “X” through the father section. Too bad you weren’t there to make your own “X” since this was your choice anyways.

OK…deep breath. (I’m ok..I’m ok…I’m ok)

Wait a minute…one more time for my sake….YOU SUCK!

Alright, moving on.

The big girls tell everyone that we encounter from the grocery store to the random stranger in the parking lot that their daddy is dead.

*awkward moment where crickets chirp*

They are coming to terms with it so I just let it fly.

Yesterday some of my wonderful friends took the children for a while and showed them a good time so I could take care of some of your loose ends, let me play and sleep by myself. I had the most wonderful time and almost laughed non-stop. I went swimming (Yes..I finally bought a bathing suit) and even went to a fair, where I spun my brains out until I wanted to puke.  The best part…I had fun. All the times I begged to go to the fair and you told me it was just a waste of money…every family outing I wanted to do…waste of money….etc.

Guess what big boy…I’m doing it. It’s not a waste of time. It’s a perfect way to spend time in this life. LIVING LIFE. Holding onto every smile, every laugh and every memory. At the end of my life I am going to be look back and proclaim that my life was not wasted. Not one single moment. I’m going to raise our girls to not waste a moment on all this petty junk that gets people down. They are going to LIVE LIFE.

Over and out for now. I’m sure there will be more tonight.

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