Inadequate

*Thank you to @Nakdgirlinadress for helping me out today for giving me something to think about, write about and work to overcome.

Image credit: http://www.google.com/search?q=feet+shackles&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1600&bih=699

The wrinkles are gathered around my eyes like the end piece of twisted plastic on a piece of hard candy.

The gray hairs are as unwelcome as a dandelion puff on a manicured golf course for the elite pocketbooks and as I pluck them I can almost hear the offended gasps of the dandelion haters.

Yet, before I started scrutinizing all the crinkles, wrinkles, bumps and lumps…something else far more concerning greeted me in the mirror. A feeling so strong it was more physically apparent to my criticizing eyes than a middle age arm wiggle.

Inadequacy.

It shows as shackles on my feet. It keeps me from boldly striding towards a group of people for fear that my words will not be witty, educated or welcome enough to be allowed within their circle.

It shows as bonds around my wrists. It prevents me from picking up something new for fear that I will fail long before I see success in my work.

It shows as a restraint in my mouth. It keeps me silent for fear that I will be misunderstood or rejected for my thoughts.

Where it shows the most though is a thick, coarse binding across my eyes.

It shows because it has changed the way I see myself. It cleverly blinds me into thinking that I will never be good enough, smart enough, pretty enough….

It lies.

I listen.

As a blindfold prevents all light from reaching the eyes, “Inadequacy” prevents all truth from reaching the heart.

It whispers convincingly and seductively that your words don’t matter, that your touch won’t be returned, that your sincerity will be laughed at and your physical smile will be mocked.

There are times in my life that those things happened, but I placed the blindfold on myself and it changed my view. I left the binding in place and refused to see truth because my fear was rationalized away as a healthy protection from pain.

How much have I not seen because I was blinded by “Inadequacy?”

How many times has “Inadequacy” been forced to truth by my own inaction?



Categories: being real, being weak, emotional, failure, fear, inadequacy

12 replies

  1. You’re certainly going through a tough time. Healing takes patience which is simply a bitch. Knowing that you have to wait it out, for the change in yourself to come, is hard because we all want a quick fix. We will all be here to remind you of your beauty, your intelligence, and that yes, you are in fact good enough. More than good enough. You are spectacular!

    • Thank you for your reassurances and faithful visits of friendship! A quick fix would be awesome, but I am enjoying the discomfort of piecing broken shards into something better.

  2. Inadequacy is a good liar. I have fallen prey to its gnashing teeth a time or too myself. Trust me, you are witty enough, beautiful enough, and all around good enough for anyone life throws at you. You have a beautiful heart, a wonderfully sharp tongue that is full of both endearments and quips, and killer legs :). When you feel inadequacy sneaking up on you, just look it square in the eye and say, “Back off, I’ve got the dress and the shoes, and I came here to dance”

  3. Inadequacy is the language of the lizard brain. It takes being with the discomfort and the impatience to bust through that. In the meantime, I’ll go dancing with you 🙂

    • Thanks for stopping in Sandi! That “lizard brain” is a slippery slope. Sure wish you were closer…dancing with you would be beautiful!

  4. you, my friend, are ANYTHING but INADEQUATE……there is nothing ordinary or mediocre about you.

    Lets those COLORS shine, you have SO MUCH TO OFFER THE WORLD, I am so happy to sit in your GLOW!!

    xo

  5. Oh you and your words are far from inadequate. You are an amazing, strong, talented woman. I hope you see that too.

  6. There have been times when inadequacy has been my BFF; it still drops by for a visit on occasion. I don’t know that there is a person on the planet who is immune to the seduction of inadequacy. But what I know for sure is, faith and hope are much better friends and if you can silence the voice of the inner critic you’ll be able to hear the voice of reason loud and clear. 🙂

    Jessica is right you are a splendid writer, far from inadequate. You’re an amazingly talented writer!

  7. Thank you for being strong enough to tell the truth. I am so tired of the perfect everyone only shows, we all feel this way from time to time……right. I often feel this way and prefer to hide or only let people so close. To be truthful about not feeling good enough is hard, to believe the the truth of our real worth is harder.

    On a lighter (or darker,ha) note, I can help you get rid of the gray hair!

    Cha Cha
    BTW, very hard to leave this message an not erase.

  8. Inadequacy plagues everyone… only problem is that the person who we want to be like is probably busy emulating someone else and feeling inadequate too… I understand we all feel as if we don’t fit in at some point in time.. but if you don;t fit in, it only means that you were meant to stand out.

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