For a long time I have written to you because I felt it was what you wanted to hear. A paid endorsement and cost-per-click campaign; it all came down to making you happy.

For the past several weeks I have been struggling about where to go, what voice to use and who I even am in this on-line world. Today I received a good hard slap in the face from reality and it is time for some changes.

If you found this post while trying to contact me on Twitter, you will find that the account has been deactivated. In some areas I am tired of my voice being misrepresented and twisted to suit another purpose. In some areas, there are just things that I find waste my time and offer no value to me. I am tired of the games of having the last laugh or being the class clown. I have made some wonderful friendships through Twitter and I hope to maintain those, but I will no longer engage my time there.

As for continuing to write this blog, I will continue this because writing is who I am. I will no longer hide behind a false strength or a laugh when I feel like crying. I still will be “Coloring Myself Happy”, but most days I am not happy overall. I am tired of being friendly when I know I am being used, tired of being gracious when I have been knocked down and tired of constantly putting on a happy, strong face when I am far from that.

For those who stick around, I appreciate your time here but please don’t ever placate me with well wishes and empty promises of better things to come. I’m beyond the point of believing that any person can help me get to “Happy” and its a journey I prefer to do alone. I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to nurture  mistakes into becoming something special. Nobody can do this and its a fool’s errand at best.

From now on I am writing and living life just for me. Whatever it takes to help me and my children find “Happy”

Categories: Uncategorized

12 replies

  1. Just sending hugs…and nothing else. You have my numbers if you need me my friend.

  2. Woo Hoo! Sing it sister….Always here for you. Always…

    P.S. Ever since I’ve “met” you, I always thought you looked like Adele. Is that weird? You’re stunning.

  3. I haven’t been here often, Alycia, but I have come here from time to time and seen you on SITS, BlogFrog, Twitter and Facebook in between. I understand your need to keep your writing real. My blogging journey began as a journey to fight depression and find me. I really didn’t think anyone would care to follow because there have been days when the darkness has been overwhelming but I have received firm friendships, support and love from a number of people who were willing to listen and stand by me through my struggles. I pray that you will find similar support and that you will find your way past *happy* and onto true joy!

  4. My onlly thought is i think you need to make sure you take care of yourself. pedicures and massages and hot baths. I am glad you are continuing to blog

  5. I love ya. and miss ya. and that’s all. 🙂

  6. I too, am here.

    You know how to find me, should you wish to have ear or shoulder.

    I’m glad you’re writing.

  7. Well done, no one should have to put on a face, not all the time, we all need to be ourselves and our blogs are the centre of that.

  8. Sa-weet! Glad to hear. Not about twitter though, I miss you already (((you)))

  9. I’m glad you’re here. I looked you up to check on you on twitter. I have forced myself to be true to me and it will be so liberating for you! I promise! Xoxo

  10. Just looked you up on Twitter and saw you were gone so I came to your blog. I will miss you on Twitter. I enjoyed the rare opportunities to chat. I’m glad (selfishly) that you will continue to blog. You are a lovely person and your voice is amazing. I love reading. I will check in from time to time though I’m generally not the best at commenting.

    (((Hugs))) and hopes for a brighter day some day soon.

  11. I totally respect that. I will follow along, because I care about you and your story. I hardly know you through blogging or Twitter (or at all) but I admire your honesty and your authenticity. I do wish you well, but I know from my own experience it’s not that easy. I write what I need to, even when I start to get worried people are going to get sick of the same crap over and over. I hope doing this your way brings you something you need.

  12. I’m clapping for you, can you see me?
    As much as I wish you were still on twitter I am so glad you want to be true to yourself and I couldn’t respect you more for it. Miss you!!

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