For a long time I have written to you because I felt it was what you wanted to hear. A paid endorsement and cost-per-click campaign; it all came down to making you happy.
For the past several weeks I have been struggling about where to go, what voice to use and who I even am in this on-line world. Today I received a good hard slap in the face from reality and it is time for some changes.
If you found this post while trying to contact me on Twitter, you will find that the account has been deactivated. In some areas I am tired of my voice being misrepresented and twisted to suit another purpose. In some areas, there are just things that I find waste my time and offer no value to me. I am tired of the games of having the last laugh or being the class clown. I have made some wonderful friendships through Twitter and I hope to maintain those, but I will no longer engage my time there.
As for continuing to write this blog, I will continue this because writing is who I am. I will no longer hide behind a false strength or a laugh when I feel like crying. I still will be “Coloring Myself Happy”, but most days I am not happy overall. I am tired of being friendly when I know I am being used, tired of being gracious when I have been knocked down and tired of constantly putting on a happy, strong face when I am far from that.
For those who stick around, I appreciate your time here but please don’t ever placate me with well wishes and empty promises of better things to come. I’m beyond the point of believing that any person can help me get to “Happy” and its a journey I prefer to do alone. I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to nurture mistakes into becoming something special. Nobody can do this and its a fool’s errand at best.
From now on I am writing and living life just for me. Whatever it takes to help me and my children find “Happy”