Broken Nest

The other day the kids found a birds nest on the ground with a few robin’s eggs still in it. Since we had recently had storms with high winds, I figured the nest was blown out of the tree.

The past few days I have seen a robin bouncing around the area. It wouldn’t be far reaching to believe this to be one of the parents trying to figure out where their nest went.

Today I sat at a small table in a courtroom as my 12 year marriage was blown from its tree in a flurry of testimony, paperwork, discussion of assets, etc. and I couldn’t help feeling a little like that robin looking for the nest.

Storm after storm I have tried to keep my nest perfectly in place. Denying that the tree wasn’t right or even damaging to my nest. I have straightened the sticks and twigs every time they were pushed out of place. Welcoming friends and family to visit all the while trying to hide the damaged areas.

As I went bouncing around today looking for my storm ravaged nest, I saw a glimpse of all its pieces laying in front of me. As I picked through the broken sticks and wounded twigs, I had to finally decide that I wasn’t going to repair this nest again.

It’s time to start gathering new twigs that contain the strength of new growth. Time to begin placing them in a familiar pattern, yet let it be different.  Drawing wisdom from learning the hard way what didn’t work and what was weak. Allowing myself those special touches that make it uniquely mine and being confident that as long as I build it from knowledge and hope; it will contain the strength I need should another storm find me.

As of today my nest is no longer in a familiar tree, but I’m no longer hopping around confused as to what has happened. I am prepared to move forward and build stronger.

Categories: Uncategorized


32 replies

  1. You just described all those feelings perfectly! I know that pain well. I too hid what was really going from close family and friends for years! It was a HUGE burden to pretend we were this family that we clearly werent, and to take on the responsibility of making everything just perfect. Its devastating when everything finally careens out of control 😉 Stay strong, girl! It really does get easier!

  2. beautifully done. longing for similar progress and eventual movement forward.

  3. I know your new nest will be built with love. You’ve got all kinds of support. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Lots of love. xo

  4. I’m a bird watcher. I love to watch them. Living in the South I have the opportunity to see more than most as they all fly here to escape the brutal winter storms elsewhere. I have several bird houses set up to give the smaller birds additional fortitude to build their nests. The smaller birds can’t build the stronger bigger nests that can withstand Mother Nature’s fury, winds and ward off potential scavengers. Each year those smaller birds arrive. They find those houses I left for them and use them to build new homes. Each Spring I see those new birds hatch and new life springs forth and everything is anew. You will find a house with walls to fortify your nest. You’ll build a new home this Spring and life will be all anew. It won’t be the tree, it will be better. A home with strength to ward off the scavengers, to weather the storm.

    I’ve been there, life does start anew and become better than ever. I promise.

  5. Very good the comparison with the robin and the nest. I’m sorry for what happened to your own nest but after you’ve tried to mend it and fix it and it seems to be beyond repair, there is only one way you can go. Forward and start building a new one, same as the robin, he already started doing it, I’m sure.

  6. Even though it is sad about your broken nest, there must be a bit of comfort in making that decision to move forward. You don’t have the stress anymore of trying to make your previous nest look *perfect*. Now you can focus on building a nest that is right for you and your children.
    Hugs to you at this time…

  7. Sometimes that best and strongest nest is the one made from pieces that we saved from the wind storm, they may not be strong by themselves but when you pile those surviving pieces , one on top of the other, they become indestrucable…stronger than they were, hearty, all weathering.

    Your nest, like you, is going to be a beautiful place to settle.

  8. Your bravery and strength continue to inspire me with each word you write. May you find that strong and welcome tree and all the bits and twigs you need for your nest.
    Hugs to you, my friend.

  9. I haven’t really blogged about he breakup of my marraige two years ago but I can really relate to what you are saying here…

  10. You’re doing the right thing. You saw the damage and recognized that it’s beyond repair. We’re all here to catch you if your nest falls again so you don’t wander around aimlessly.

  11. You have an amazing way with words. I am sorry you are going through this. You know I haven’t been online much lately, but remember I am here for you, even if you can’t see me. Much love!

  12. I’m thinking of you. Just wanted you to know. Your words are beautiful and I hope the moving forward part is easier than you might think. xoxo

  13. I’m glad to see you’re back to writing, and are safe. Hugs to you..xo

  14. You are an amazing writer Alycia. I’m sorry for the difficult time you are going through, but I’m sure you’ll emerge from this stronger – and happier. Your girls are lucky to have such an amazing mom – and an awesome example of what a beautiful, strong woman is like. Thinking of you. ((Hugs))

  15. Dropped by to say hi. Beautiful blog!

  16. I love this new space and I’m glad you are back. I wish you all the luck in the world picking up these twigs and putting them back together, for yourself.

  17. I love this new space and I’m glad you are back. I wish you all the luck in the world picking up these twigs and putting them back together, for yourself.

  18. I am just stunned at the truth that your words have touched. This is so how it was like with my marriage.

    Thank you.

  19. Wow, sad but touching metaphor. Take care of yourself. It’s gonna take time.

  20. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. In the aftermath of storms when I look at the damage I like to see opportunity. Maybe it sounds hokey, but I just see pieces and wonder if maybe they can be put back together differently, but stronger.

  21. You are strong and your new nest will convey that. Big hugs my friend.

  22. Oh I have missed you! I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through but proud to hear the strength you have discovered. You weave words so beautifully, as always.

  23. I have absolutely no doubt that you will be able to build a nest that’s stronger and better for you than the previous one. Beautiful analogy.

  24. You are incredibly brave and giving your children the gifts of strength and love. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but it seems as though you are choosing the right path. Beautifully written. Your girls are lucky to have you.

  25. Oh I haven’t visited in awhile and boy have I missed alot! Your new blog is awesome sigh!
    This was so wonderfully expressed all I can think to do is send you a virtual ((hug))
    Wishing you the best of luck as you find the spot to put your new ‘nest’.

  26. CW, or should I call you Alycia now. You still have the same scribbling style. the same wisdom I heart. I was wondering about you. That bird – you – I get it – I really do. It’s not right. It’s not. A new normal now. a new normal. Grace and Peace Alycia – grace and peace to you in the new normal. Anyway, the Last dinner of Thursday is behind, the dark but “Good” Friday is past, the “in between” Saturday was yesterday – today is for rising – Happy Easter to you and your littles. God Bless.

  27. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

  28. I’m am sorry for what has been broken for you, but it sounds like perhaps the shattering, however painful, may have been a gift. You write with such beauty and compassion–it’s such a joy to experience and I wish all of that back to you.

  29. Glad you linked this up – your new beginning.
    Beautiful, but sad words … soon you will be celebrating new anniversaries of your own and they will be filled with gladness 🙂

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