Lessons Learned – 2010

Lessons Learned in 2010
Basic  lessons
  • There is no “Easy Button” when you are a mom.
  • There is an “Easier Button” if you look for it. Mine is Speed Dial #1 and its the “I’m calling your dad” direct line. When I push that button everything is easier.
  • There are people who love waking up in the morning, frying bacon, baking biscuits and singing in the kitchen.
  • Then there is me.
  • If you pull out a pack of bacon and stare at it hard enough for 20 minutes, you can convince yourself that it might be spoiled.
  • To be safe, feed the children cereal.
  • Feel pride all day long from the certain food poisoning disaster you avoided.
  • Go to bed that night and mention in your prayer to God that you were sorry you were lazy and lied to the children who wanted bacon.
  • Husbands who had moms who cooked elaborate breakfasts are decidedly miffed when served cereal.
  • Even after 10 years of marriage the comment “My mom always did….” will still come up.
  • Husbands are the reason that mother-in-laws get such a bad rap.
  • With Child #1 you did a constant sweep of the house to make sure there were no choking hazards on the floor.
  • With Child #3 you teach the older ones who to do the “throat sweep” while you trip over tiny Legos.
  • It is possible to get your thumb stuck in a minivan hatch to the point where you can’t move.
  • This is the type of thing that only happens to me.
  • It’s possible to control tears and cussing when children are present so you don’t scare them while you are stuck and in pain.
  • When the husband comes to your rescue and points/laughs first before rescuing you, you can not control the cussing part.
  • Sometimes when you look at all your little crazy mistakes in the day; you wonder why God entrusted small children to your care.
  • After you have asked forgiveness for the whole bacon incident; thank God that he gave you all those little beings to care for.
Selling your home lessons

  • 12 years after the initial construction, it is a good idea to spruce up the house and update major features for selling.
  • Carpet, paint and new floor tiling is a wonderful selling point.
  • Before the new carpet, paint and floor tiling has been installed; you average around 5 showings every week.
  • Once the new carpet, paint and floor tiling has been installed, not one person will look at your house for the next 3 months.
  • 2 children and one dog can ruin the whole look of new carpet in about 3 weeks.
  • The new paint will hold up about one week past the carpet.
  • Although you had initially packed up most of your knick-knacks; they will slowly find their way back into the house after it hasn’t shown for 3 months.
  • Once the carpet looks worn, there are scuffs on the paint and the house generally looks like it threw up; you will get 5-6 showings a week again.
  • Around this time the season of Spring has shown up.
  • Before you put your house on the market, you could mow the grass every 10 days to keep it looking nice.
  • A Realtor sign contains some kind of fertilizer. Once planted in your yard, the grass needs to be mowed every 2 days to keep it from being as tall as the trees.
  • On the day the laundry is to be finished and there are 6 baskets of dirty clothes sitting around, you will get a call that the house is showing in an hour.
  • You can stuff 3 loads of laundry in the dryer and the other 3 loads will fit in the car.
  • A loaf of fresh bread takes around an hour to cook.
  • While you are kneading the raw dough, you will get a call that the house is showing in an hour.
  • Go ahead and finish your bread, it seems that Realtors and potential home buyers enjoy having fresh bread while touring your house.
  • Have an exit plan similar to that of a fire escape and drill the children every day.
  • You will get a call that the house is showing in one hour, when the kids are muddy, need a nap, have Legos strewn across the floor or are in a uncooperative mood.
  • Those three laundry baskets will come in handy that you put in the car. Throw a child, toys and dog in one and carry it to the car too.
Grocery shopping with kids
  • When you have small children, you will put off going to the store as long as possible.
  • After trying to make a dinner out of a can of peaches, ranch dressing and 3 olives, it’s time to go to the store.
  • Gummy fruit snacks and coffee are the most important items on the 4 foot long list.
  • You will go to the store that has the cool race car shopping carts, not the one with the best prices.
  • You take extra diapers and clothes along with your coupons.
  • Since you know your kids, you already have a pre-written apology letter to the manager of the store.
  • The first meltdown occurs right inside the door when the children discover that all the cool race car shopping carts are being used.
  • A trip to the free cookie counter will appease them for 20 minutes.
  • You spend more time trying to put back the things the kids throw in the cart, than actually shopping.
  • You will lose a child on Aisle 4, 7, 9 & 14
  • Someone will break something on Aisle 3
  • Meltdowns occur on the cookie, cereal and bakery aisle.
  • You wonder why your child feels the need to poke the fresh meat packages.
  • At the checkout line you are so busy explaining that the kids can’t just eat the candy off the displays, that you forget your coupons.
  • Once home you realize that you forgot the fruit gummy snacks and coffee.
  • Somehow 3 boxes of cookies, a pack of frozen bagels, bottle of Fish Oil supplement and a bottle of Cinderella hand soap made it into your groceries.
  • You are so mentally wiped from shopping, you order a pizza.

Kids have no sense of humor

  • 3 year olds are not amused when a parent hides in their closet to throw ice cold water on them.
  • 4 year olds will declare themselves a Vegan when a parent drives by a cow pasture and points out the hamburgers.
  • Shorting sheets does not work on those under 4 feet tall.
  • Putting a fake spider in the bathtub will result in a boycott of bath time.
  • Replacing their bowl of vanilla ice cream with sour cream does not cause laughter but puking.
  • Putting an ice cube in a diaper loses the shock factor when the wetness is just absorbed.
  • Finding a perfect hiding spot is not recommended when playing with children under 3. This has a tendency to bring back all the separation anxiety.
  • When working in the kitchen, do not coat hand with ketchup and begin screaming. Children under 5 do not appreciate gory humor.
  • Putting Vaseline on the seat of a toilet does not encourage a toddler to potty train as they continually slide off into the floor.
  • Teaching “knock knock” jokes is impossible when one has the attention span of a gnat and drools constantly.

  • Categories: Lessons

    2 replies

    1. My kids are grown, so no more little toys! http://www.bugaboobeeonline.co.uk/ So I'm going to get them something really nice that will last forever!

    2. I love this! Thanks for the laugh. And I totally understand why kids poke the meat…I still do!

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