I have been watching cartoons with my kids for almost 5 years. You would think that I would be able to easily tune them out…toon them out (ha!) Anyways, since I make it my mission to supervise all ‘toon watching in this house, I have become very well acquainted with all the characters on a spread of several channels. Since I have gotten to know some of the cartoons, I have become annoyed at the characters, the lack of characters and their whole conflict/resolution writing.
You seem to be a pretty self reliant and smart girl, but what are you; like 8? Why on earth are you traipsing all over the place all by yourself? You get in hot air balloons, climb a tall mountain and go through the scary forest with no adult supervision. I saw you have a chit chat with the grumpy ole’ troll; have you never heard of stranger danger? Do you think its OK to talk to people who live under bridges? Do you think it is normal to hear voices coming from inanimate objects? Also you may need an adult to pack your backpack. While a roll of sticky tape is fine; the pinwheel, pair of skies (in a hot climate) and a set of crochet balls is not going to get you far in your travelings. Lastly, that monkey; you shouldn’t trust him so much because he is just a monkey. Has he even had any shots? Training? What’s to stop that thing from ripping your face off the next time you make him climb up a tall mountain?
Dear Toot & Puddle,
Where are your parents and are they OK with you jetting off to Peru, Egypt, etc.?
Dear Angelina Ballerina,
Please cease talking and whining, your voice is just annoying!
Same thing as your cousin Dora…you need better supervision and stop playing with unpredictable and wild animals. Showing your best friend Baby Jaguar is all well and good, but quit portraying him as reliable and not a carnivore who would enjoy gnawing on your leg in the top of a tree.
Dear Dirt Girl,
Your face freaks me out. Seriously, my kids are not allowed to watch you because you give me nightmares.
I feel as though I have taken some heavy narcotics after watching you. The slow pace, trippy music and cat’s voice just chill me way out. I think there is something subliminal going on there.
You remind me of my husband. He talks to his tools all the time too, but THEY DON’T TALK BACK!
FanBoy & Chum Chum,
Really?!? What’s the point here?
Yo Gabba Gabba,
Somehow you have managed to create songs that are like crack for kids. I appreciate bringing Jack Black for an episode but if I hear one more “Tiny Yucky Germs” or “Rain is coming down” song, I am going to foot stomp your radio. You also need to keep a better eye on that red cyclops dude. I saw him recently in a commercial joy riding a stolen car with a sock monkey.
Wow Wow Wubzy,
Someone needs to give that rabbit a Super Mega Tylenol 3000, that short thing with the glasses needs more fiber and Wubzy possibly needs ADHD medication. Oh and that tail….it’s kooky.
What about YOU? Any cartoons you want to sound off about before I subject my own mind to them?