Dear Cartoons – From An Annoyed Mother

I have been watching cartoons with my kids for almost 5 years. You would think that I would be able to easily tune them out…toon them out (ha!) Anyways, since I make it my mission to supervise all ‘toon watching in this house, I have become very well acquainted with all the characters on a spread of several channels. Since I have gotten to know some of the cartoons, I have become annoyed at the characters, the lack of characters and their whole conflict/resolution writing.

Dear Dora,
You seem to be a pretty self reliant and smart girl, but what are you; like 8? Why on earth are you traipsing all over the place all by yourself? You get in hot air balloons, climb a tall mountain and go through the scary forest with no adult supervision. I saw you have a chit chat with the grumpy ole’ troll; have you never heard of stranger danger? Do you think its OK to talk to people who live under bridges? Do you think it is normal to hear voices coming from inanimate objects? Also you may need an adult to pack your backpack. While a roll of sticky tape is fine; the pinwheel, pair of skies (in a hot climate) and a set of crochet balls is not going to get you far in your travelings. Lastly, that monkey; you shouldn’t trust him so much because he is just a monkey. Has he even had any shots? Training? What’s to stop that thing from ripping your face off the next time you make him climb up a tall mountain?

Dear Toot & Puddle,
Where are your parents and are they OK with you jetting off to Peru, Egypt, etc.?

Dear Angelina Ballerina,
Please cease talking and whining, your voice is just annoying!

Dear Diego,
Same thing as your cousin Dora…you need better supervision and stop playing with unpredictable and wild animals. Showing your best friend Baby Jaguar is all well and good, but quit portraying him as reliable and not a carnivore who would enjoy gnawing on your leg in the top of a tree.

Dear Dirt Girl,
Your face freaks me out. Seriously, my kids are not allowed to watch you because you give me nightmares.

 Image of DirtGirlWorld by Google Images

Little Bear,
I feel as though I have taken some heavy narcotics after watching you. The slow pace, trippy music and cat’s voice just chill me way out. I think there is something subliminal going on there.

Handy Manny,
You remind me of my husband. He talks to his tools all the time too, but THEY DON’T TALK BACK!

FanBoy & Chum Chum,
Really?!? What’s the point here?

Yo Gabba Gabba,
Somehow you have managed to create songs that are like crack for kids. I appreciate bringing Jack Black for an episode but if I hear one more “Tiny Yucky Germs” or “Rain is coming down” song, I am going to foot stomp your radio. You also need to keep a better eye on that red cyclops dude. I saw him recently in a commercial joy riding a stolen car with a sock monkey.

Wow Wow Wubzy,
Someone needs to give that rabbit a Super Mega Tylenol 3000, that short thing with the glasses needs more fiber and Wubzy possibly needs ADHD medication. Oh and that tail….it’s kooky.

What about YOU? Any cartoons you want to sound off about before I subject my own mind to them?

Categories: mothering, writing

15 replies

  1. Max and Ruby – Where the heck are your parents? Ruby who made died and made you queen, you bossy control freak???Calliou – same as Angelina Ballerina. Quite whining cease and desist immediately. 🙂

  2. Oh yeah…that Ruby. She is an annoying control freak!Caliou – I don't know what annoys me more. His whining or the narrator's voice talking about how “Caliou was still afraid a little bit”

  3. Curious George – you are always getting into trouble, but it works out OK in the end so you never have to pay any consequences. How are you ever going to learn that you can't just go and do whatever pops into your head?

  4. Wow I am happy my boys are beyond that stuff.Peace, Love and ChocolateTiffany

  5. Oh yeah…that Ruby. She is an annoying control freak!Caliou – I don't know what annoys me more. His whining or the narrator's voice talking about how “Caliou was still afraid a little bit”

  6. Oh, I LOVE this post!I also agree with the Max and Ruby comment…I was always perplexed about their parents.Dirt girl TOTALLY freaks me out, too! Little Bear is AWESOME because of it's sedative effects on my children and unfortunately, I burst out into Yo Gabba Gabba songs on a daily basis.Speaking of songs, I would also like to thank the Wonder Pets because no matter where I am or what I am doing when I hear a phone ring I immediately turn into Mrs. Obvious and sing, “The Phone. The Phone is Ringing.”

  7. My oldest daughter is totally a Ruby. And my middle daughter is totally a Max, so we have actual episodes playing out in our house nearly every day.I hate Jungle Junction. Animals with wheels for feet? Who thought that up. I won't even watch it.I really like Little Bear and Franklin. Maggie and the Ferocious Beast is pretty good too and I really loved Little Bill.Thankfully, I am no longer subjected to Teletubbies or Boobah. Nothing on t.v. right now will ever, ever touch the aboslute weirdness of Boobah.

  8. I am so, so glad that you didn't take a shot at my beloved Backyardigans. I'm not sure my soul could've handled it.*wipes brow* Phew!

  9. I have never heard of dirt girl. but the next time I send myself outside on adventures and DHR is called I am saying but Dora does it and her parents do not get in trouble

  10. I may have to stay up a little later to get that picture of Dirt Girl out of my head!Not a cartoon, but can someone please rid the world of the Wiggles? Ahhh!

  11. Dear Cat in the Hat, Your tune “Lets go, go, go, go on an adventure!” is catchy but your cat voice in ANNOYING.And Thomas the train is just plain boring but alas my son's favorite.

  12. Ok, I'm putting myself out there, but I LOVE DIRT GIRL WORLD! For two reasons – 1) There is so much tension between her and Scrap Boy that I'm just hanging out for the episode where they get it on in the chook shed; 2) Grubby and Ken are my parents and for some reason watching them played out as insects makes it all seem right.Aside from that, if I ever have to hear Scrambler (from Bob the remarkable Builder who gives Superman a run for his money)speak ever again I will have to scream very loudly to drown him out… stay tuned this afternoon around 4.30…

  13. Callous – What kind of name is that? Why are you still bald at 4 years old? Why is your voice higher pitched and more girly than your little sister's? And what is up with your theme song? Growing up is not so tough except when you've had enough? Seriously?Little Bill – You are banned in my house because I find you beyond annoying. What is more annoying is how your parents are forever babying you. Call him on his bluff and make him take a nap already. He won't really run away, and you'd be lucky if he did. Again, why is a 4 year old still bald?

  14. Sorry, I am going back in time on this one.Calliou. I want to beat his whiney little ass.Dora. You are teaching my kids to wear clothes that are too small and you wear the same clothes day in and out.Bark”GhettoGuardians”Yardians. They have the same names as the people I am trying to repo

  15. roflol..okay I know I'm WAY behind on this one (sorry 😦 ) but I had to chime in.Barney – I DON'T love you, I'm pretty sure you don't love me, and I'm so tired of that darn song.Wiggles – Y'all creep me out so much I can't even discuss y'all. Just go away. Now!SpongeBob – It is NOT appropriate to run around in your underwear. Your laugh has potential to be on of the most annoying sounds I've ever heard, and I think your friend Patrick is stoned.

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