- Wait anxiously until the children are in bed to watch a movie that is rated PG or above.
- Within 5 minutes of the movie, child #1 needs a cup of juice.
- Within 15 minutes of the movie, child #2 needs to go to the bathroom
- Within 30 minutes of the movie, child #3 has something wrong and wants to scream regardless of all attempts to quiet her.
- Within 45 minutes of the movie, spouse falls asleep.
- Within 50 minutes of the movie, I fall asleep.
- If no children bother me and I don’t fall asleep, the movie will be the worst of all times.
- If I order a pizza when the children are starving and they promise a 45 delivery, delivery time will actually be 1 hour and 37 minutes.
- If I decide to cook, as soon as I get my hands in raw meat, child #3 has a blow-out diaper.
- After stripping child #3 and getting her ready for a bath, child #1 and child #2 have a hair pulling/biting war.
- After separating child #2 and child #1, realize that the baby shampoo for child #3 was used for emergency bubble bath solution.
- Search the linen closet and find a small travel size bottle of baby wash.
- Bottle is empty, quickly wash child #3 with Dawn liquid soap and pray it doesn’t break her out.
- Holding a dripping child #3 discover child #1 and #2 have found the linen closet open and have decided to apply baby oil to themselves, the carpet, the walls and the dog.
- Use Dawn soap again to cut the oil on all offenders and innocent bystanders.
- Realize that the raw meat mentioned in lesson #9 has now been sitting at room tempature for an hour. Throw it out.
- Proceed to Lesson #8
- Decide to have a movie with the pizza and follow lessons #1-6
Sigh…lessons learned. Tomorrow is a new day.