If you have come here looking for Five Question Friday, I am not doing it today. It’s not a strike, it’s not personal…it’s just not being done today in favor of a rant. Who doesn’t like a good rant?? No?? Well, then head over to Mama M’s and take a peek at all my fun friends doing Five Question Friday.
Yesterday I talked about poop stalagmites and the fact that our house was showing today. I am pretty sure if the potential buyer had known that my carpet and walls were being used for a personal toilet, they would not buy it; but all evidence was removed. It’s Lysol clean, Baby!
So the house hasn’t showed since last October, which was OK since we had 2 birthdays, 2 major holidays and the birth of a child to get out of the way. Do you know what happens to the “show quality” of a house that contains 4 adults, 3 children and a dog when it hasn’t showed 3 1/2 months? It goes down hill fast, my friends. It means they come into the house expecting it to look like this…
And it looks something more like this…
I spent all day at home, alone with the kids (insert scary music) trying to get the house back to show worthy quality. I scrubbed, I polished, I sweated, I cried and then I finally got smart. As soon as I was done with a room; I locked the door behind me. I felt like that little woman on the movie Poltergeist…”This house is clean.”
Every time I cleaned a window, I had 2 helpers behind me cleaning it with their spit and fists. Polished furniture…they were there putting their fingers in the shiny tops. I packed up a lot of things from all the closets to capitalize on the walk in closets (You must be able to walk in a walk in closet, so I had to pack!) and there they were going through the boxes and adding things of their own. I almost had the box sealed when I noticed Bitsy laying on the quilts inside. I am pretty sure it was the kids who did that, although I have been pretty forgetful lately.
I know I cleaned everything at least 3 times, sometimes more. Once to initially clean it, once to clean up the kids cleaning it and once to remove my sweat and tears from the object. I officially do NOT want to live this way for long and I don’t think my kids would survive it. A house is meant to be lived in. I don’t want to have to constantly tell the kids not to mess with the eye candy display of all my best home magazines fanned on the coffee table. Potpourri on the back of the toilet is a pleasing touch, but let’s face it…kids eat it and love to play with the dried fruit pieces and little twirly wooden sticks. Don’t get me wrong, I keep a clean house; but we also live here. You are going to have to do the “Obstacle Course Of Broken Toes” to make it through a kid’s room. There is usually a doll in some form of undress on a counter and there will be fingerprints on the door glass of children who anxiously await their father to come home. I will swear in a court of law that if your house looks show worthy and you have children…they are miserable and you are exhausted.
I have not yet heard any feedback on the house showing, but it better get good reviews. I smelled like a horse yesterday when I finished and refused to take a shower in my gleaming, sparkly tub for fear of Crayon Wrangler funk contaminating it and being the reason the house didn’t sell. I didn’t cook the typical home cooked meal for fear of a speck of grease or green bean water on the stove burners so clean. We had burgers from a bag eaten over towels so the dining room table and floor wasn’t sporting the usual spilled drink or smeared ketchup trail. The dog was banished outside so a single Sam hair didn’t float onto the perfect vacuum lines in the carpet. The children’s toys were arranged magazine photo quality on their bookshelves , while they sat in the floor twiddling their thumbs. They were miserable and me? I was exhausted.
The saddest thing is that we have another showing on Tuesday. The house must remain in this condition until then. If any child poops on my floor again…heaven help us all!