I did it, my friends. I finally decided to face one of my demons head on. Well you know…if a demon could look like a flesh colored Sharpei…
Yeah, the dog with all the loose wrinkles…
I stepped out of the shower and looked my demon…err, my nude postpartum body head on. I told myself I wouldn’t waiver, wouldn’t flinch and that I would be bold.
Stuff jiggled when I flinched.
Way down there?
You have got to be kidding me!
And lots of denial.
Loads of denial.
But as I lifted the belly button area the 17 inches that was needed to place it back to the appropriate belly button area, I had to face the facts.
3 kids in 4 years does not a dreamy midsection make. It’s a Tim Burton type of nightmare at best.
This is definitely not a muffin top. Muffins have personality.
This is a flaccid pancake top.
Nobody appreciates a flaccid pancake.
I can fix this.
I can get “things” back to normal.
I am going to need staples.
And duct tape.
Lots of duct tape.
I am mildly encouraged by a lot of my friends on Twitter. They are talking about exercise. They are doing the things that need to be done to improve themselves.
I am sitting here eating graham crackers and chocolate frosting. (It’s for the milk production….really!)
They are using soup cans for weights. Yeah sure, sometimes they have admitted to eating the soup…but they are doing it.
They are having fun competitions and prizes in the “getting healthy” quest.
I am sitting here with my bucket of icing.
And a misplaced belly button.
There is a shining silver lining though. I am on doctor’s orders. I have an excuse.
And lots of duct tape. I have loads of duct tape.
In two weeks (give or take) I will be able to jump on this exercise train with my friends. I will be the one bragging about my workout and my jello legs. I will boast about the pounds I am losing.
I only hope that I can find my belly button.
And my hips.
We are not even going to discuss my cheekiness. I am trying to stay in a 2 foot area of focus. Everything below the knee caps will have to wait. Cheekiness will remain in denial for a while.
I am facing my demon. My loose, flappy, jiggle for 15 minutes after laughing demon.