Facing the demon

I did it, my friends. I finally decided to face one of my demons head on. Well you know…if a demon could look like a flesh colored Sharpei…

Yeah, the dog with all the loose wrinkles…

Yup, just like that. One of those demons.

I stepped out of the shower and looked my demon…err, my nude postpartum body head on. I told myself I wouldn’t waiver, wouldn’t flinch and that I would be bold.

I flinched.

Stuff jiggled when I flinched.

Oh Heavenly Father…I have lost my belly button. Wait…is that it?
Way down there?

You have got to be kidding me!

Ever since I gave birth, just two weeks ago, I have avoided the Sharpei demon. I knew it was there, but I opted for loose, flowing and unrestricted clothes.

And lots of denial.

Loads of denial.

But as I lifted the belly button area the 17 inches that was needed to place it back to the appropriate belly button area, I had to face the facts.

3 kids in 4 years does not a dreamy midsection make. It’s a Tim Burton type of nightmare at best.

I wonder if I lift it up if I could disguise it somehow. Yeah…that’s it. I can tuck it into the lower band on my bra.
This is definitely not a muffin top. Muffins have personality.
This is a flaccid pancake top.
Nobody appreciates a flaccid pancake.

I am now in self talk mode. This is way different than denial. I am acknowledging the problem and trying to work out the solution. After all…it’s only been 2 weeks since my body was swollen with baby. Swollen to obscene proportions. Alien in its hugeness.

I can fix this.

I can get “things” back to normal.

I am going to need staples.

And duct tape.

Lots of duct tape.

I am mildly encouraged by a lot of my friends on Twitter. They are talking about exercise. They are doing the things that need to be done to improve themselves.

I am sitting here eating graham crackers and chocolate frosting. (It’s for the milk production….really!)

They are using soup cans for weights. Yeah sure, sometimes they have admitted to eating the soup…but they are doing it.

They are having fun competitions and prizes in the “getting healthy” quest.

I am sitting here with my bucket of icing.

And a misplaced belly button.

There is a shining silver lining though. I am on doctor’s orders. I have an excuse.

And lots of duct tape. I have loads of duct tape.

In two weeks (give or take) I will be able to jump on this exercise train with my friends. I will be the one bragging about my workout and my jello legs. I will boast about the pounds I am losing.

I only hope that I can find my belly button.

And my hips.

We are not even going to discuss my cheekiness. I am trying to stay in a 2 foot area of focus. Everything below the knee caps will have to wait. Cheekiness will remain in denial for a while.

I am facing my demon. My loose, flappy, jiggle for 15 minutes after laughing demon.

Categories: children

16 replies

  1. Please stop. I've just gained the first few pounds of my first pregnancy and that was NOT encouraging!!! =)

  2. Been there, done that! Stay in denial mode. It is much more comfortable! 🙂

  3. Laughing burns calories. So I probably just burned at least 100 🙂 I'm in the same boat though … having a baby 11 weeks ago I thought FOR SURE by now I would have lost a lil' weight. Um. Help?!Btw, totally random and unrelated, I took your suggestions of doing a toy rotation and linked you up on my blog 🙂 Thanks again!

  4. See, my logic would be, "9 months to gain the weight? Then I can sit around for 9 more months after baby before I do anything about it. And hope I burn enough calories by breastfeeding that makes me not have to do any exercise at all!" Okay, so maybe that's why I'm just now getting into shape when my youngest is 4!!You go, girl. Embrace your mothering body! And then come join us bloggers in working out in 2 weeks 🙂

  5. You had a baby two weeks ago and you are blogging…impressive. Embrace your body! I wear my fat wtih pride!

  6. if i was not a hundred pounds over weight i would laugh and say well they make all kinds of fun colored duct tape. but since i am i will say i feel your pain. i will also say cut yourself some slack because your blessing is only 2 weeks old

  7. I know you will find that your belly button has returned to its rightful place before you know it. Just like last time. And the time before. Unlike your Texas knitter friend who is still lamenting the "changes" from the last pregnancy/birth, 4 years ago.

  8. Heck, Im 4 yrs post partum now and still havent found mine!

  9. You just had a baby!! Isn't against the law to look in a mirror?

  10. It's been 15 months for me. My husband calls my belly button a canyon. Yeah, he sucks. I hoped breastfeeding and chasing my spawn would help burn the jiggliness away. 15 months later we're still breastfeeding, I'm still chasing and the weight is still there. Life is NOT fair.

  11. My friend, you are just fine!!! Besides, please, don't start working out until 6 weeks. You need your body to heal. You'll get there. Give it time 🙂

  12. stay in denial, it is a lovely country with many perks and benefits.

  13. Woman, I'm gonna bust you up. 2 weeks postpartum with my twins I was still working on WATER WEIGHT and didn't even KNOW what I was up against in terms of deflabbification. You shut down those absurd worries about what your midsection is going to look like or where your belly button goes. I consider it the post-baby-body to be be an excellent gift from God… see, if I cannot have sex for 6 weeks after delivery, then I don't want to be listening to my hubby whine for 6 weeks after delivery, so I have been granted a thoroughly unsexy body to help keep him from WANTING to have sex for 6 weeks. Besides, lactation is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And having all those lil ones to take care of? You'll be fine. And even if you still need work after that, you have the benefit of a baby whose weight increases over time like a weight-training program AND you're in no danger of eating the baby as you would be with soup… Besides, you need some hips for putting snuggly little babies upon… don't hurry it too much. Focus on all the things that go by WAY TOO FAST instead of the things that stick around WAY TOO LONG – like infancy. You can lose weight long after you stop being able to sleep with your newborn on your chest. Hugs!

  14. I totally meant that infancy goes by WAY TOO FAST… wow, sloppy! Sorry!

  15. I will never look at Sharpei's the same again :o) I was not thinking of my weight with the first 2 by the time the baby was 2 weeks old but….with my third one, I wanted the baby fat off of me NOW!!! I know how you feel :o) I hope are able to shed that weight in no time!!!

  16. oh, please, no staples! start with some crunches… one day at a time…

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