So this post over at The Nut House community got me to reliving the grossest thing that has ever happened to me.
True that I have 2 small children so there is no shortage of gross things that I have endured.
- projectile vomit caught in hands. Check.
- poop sprayed down the tank top by the cradled infant. Been there. Done that.
- stringy gobs of mucus spread everywhere. Got the t shirt (and burned it)
Being a mom means wiping nasties all day every day, but that is not The Grossest Thing ever.
For me, it was a really hot day. The kind of day that sweat from every pore. I woke up that morning and had to take our brand new (to us) puppy to the vet for his shots. While he ate his breakfast kibble (a lot of kibble, he was a very large breed dog) I got dressed and put on some shorts. We toddled off to the vet and he received all of his shots. As we traveled home, I noticed he began to pant heavily and whine.
Then some strange gurgling noises began to emit from him.
Gurgling = I am gonna throw up sounds.
Just like a human baby, he assumed if he got closer and laid his head on my lap; he might begin to feel better.
He was wrong.
The next thing I know, my lap is covered in partially digested kibbles.
Did I mention that I was wearing shorts?
It oozed and crept across my lap, into my shorts.
The smell, oh…the smell.
I lost all personal control, I hit the gas pedal and pushed my little car to 90mph in desperation to get home and GET IT OFF OF ME!
Through my watering eyes, a result of trying not to gag myself…I saw the worst. Blue lights. In my rear view mirror. Are you kidding me??????
I pulled over and the cop began the slow “checking it out” walk to my window. Very slow. Slower than slow.
He got to my window and looked down.
He turned, walked fast, got in his car and left.
I felt bulletproof with regurgitated kibble in my lap and proceeded to the homestead at 95mph. With no regard to modesty, I stripped in the driveway, threw the clothes in the trash and ran to the shower (at probably 95mph)
Now you know the grossest moment in my life. Ever.