So, most of you know that today I attended a Women’s Ministry conference at LifeWay. There were tons of seminars (free candy), workshops (free candy), concerts and free candy. I attended none of those (I did however snag some free candy…you know, because I am hugely pregnant and what are they going to say to me for two huge handfuls. Really?!?) I did however, settle my booty on a stool beside my sister and mother and do a little talking. Well, maybe more than a little…perhaps I chugged along like a runaway train. What can I say? I am totally passionate about what I was talking about.
Free candy ya’ll.
No, that’s not what I spoke about. I just was really happy for the availability of candy.
What I spoke about was adoption issues from the heart of one who was adopted who had issues.
Issues, you ask…what issues?
How could a child chosen to live with a family that really wants them and probably took them out of a rotten situation, possibly have any issues?
Well, it’s pretty simple. It’s not about the family that chose them, but rather about the one that gave them away. It’s not about the mother who tucks them in every night, but about the one who said “I don’t want you”
Not all children who are adopted face these feelings, but there are many out there that do and the resources are just not out there to help the child and the adopted parents deal with the emotions that are overwhelming the whole family.
The adopted child often feels unwanted regardless of the fact that they have a new mother and father. They feel different (something must have been wrong with me) They feel anger (why? why? how could you?) They struggle with attachment issues, yet at the same time the anger, confusion and all out hurt causes them to do the very things that would cause someone to reject them. It’s almost like they live their life with everyone on a trial basis. The child will often display behaviors simply to see if the new parents’ love and commitment is real. When the first actions don’t result in rejection, they often times keep turning it up a notch into more dangerous behavior daring rejection to show up, yet not being able to accept the love each time their tests don’t push someone away.
Because of very few resources, the children grow up into adults doing the same thing. Always looking for the next hurt, never believing they are loved.
I hope to one day be able to provide this resource for these families. If you have found this blog through the search engines or through a link that has been provided to you and have more questions on the subject, need literature, etc. please use the contact me button on the sidebar. I am happy to candidly answer any and all questions you may have.
Especially on where to score free candy.
Categories: Adoption, Conference
What a great post, my friend! You truly seem to have come out on top of the situation you were in!!! (((Crayon Wrangler)))
You totally are amazing. I have two siblings who are not biological. Our parents raised us to not give it a thought. And to be honest I still don't. I introduce my sister (who is half Saudi Arabian) and never give it a thought until people look at us wierd. :)But, I know my sister and brother do think about it. Have hurt from the choice their biological parents made. I think what you are doing is awesome and so needed. My hats off to you for taking a stand and being a road paver for all the children out there who need to know what they are feeling is normal. BTW, I was blessed to meet my sister's birth mother a couple years ago. Talk about an awesome experience. 🙂
Great post girl!! I will def. be looking for more info on this topic..as me and my husband are considering adoption not sure if we will do it locally or from another country but would love to chat with ya bout it sometime. Thanks for sharing your story 🙂
Hey there! I saw your comment on my blog and wanted to leave you a note to say I would be honored if you wanted to link to my "Ode to Pregnancy" post 😉 It was fun to write (I actually came up with most of it during my morning shower!), and I hope others will enjoy it! Thanks for stopping by- you have a great blog, and I will sign up to follow 😉
(((Crayon Wrangler))) =-) What a big bunch of awesomeness you are.
So proud of how far you have come and that you are allowing God to use your story to help others. I knew it would happen one day. I love you.Mom