The Ten Demandments

The Ten Demandments
…of a 4 year old…

I. Thou shalt not conceive any children other than me. (Any other children means I will have to share my precious purple horse and my blue ball which is totally unacceptable.)
II. Thou shalt never expect me to eat anything that is not portable. (Any other foods such as casseroles, will be considered direct violation of this Demandment and will go nicely with the wall paint you chose.)
III. Thou shalt never take me into any type of store without the intention of buying me what I want. (Ever seen a child rolling and screaming down an aisle, just wait…you will.)
IV. Thou shalt never put yourself before my needs. (You haven’t had a bath in a week or eaten anything besides cold mashed potatoes…simply not my problem)
V. Thou shalt never summarize my favorite bedtime story. (I don’t care if we all know that the fluffy bunny found his way home through the dark woods, I need to be reassured it ends the same way.)
VI. Thou shalt never turn off a cartoon that I may be watching. (I don’t care if I am in the next room and have been for 2 hours; I like to keep my options open.)
VII. Thou shalt never be out of my sight for more than 45 seconds. (I don’t care if you do need to go to the bathroom, if I can crouch behind the couch for privacy; so can you. Don’t ever shut the bathroom door again or I will use the Sharpie one more time on the furniture.)
VIII. Thou shalt never take me into a stranger’s house and expect me to not touch the delicate glass poodle figurines. (Really?!? You are asking way too much. Just bring a blank check and a DustBuster. We’ll all be better off.)
IX. Thou shalt never expect me to perform any feat or trick in front of anyone but you. (Trust me, I will make you look like a lying fool)
X. Thou shalt, above all else, love me as I love you (With blind trust, forgiveness of your failings…except for that whole soup was too hot incident; you are going to live with that one…unfailing and perfect)

Categories: children, parenting

3 replies

  1. Hilarious, and oh so true. Four is so much fun. 🙂

  2. Yes, very true. I can't wait until my youngest gets there. She's already pretty sassy at 1!

  3. Ha!!! I love you girl!! 😉

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