Lessons Learned Today

  1. Do not assume that the spice with the red lid is garlic.
  2. Lemon Pepper “garlic” bread tastes like crap with lasagna.
  3. Lemon Pepper bread makes dog puke.
  4. Just because no child has turned over a gallon of paint on the carpet for the past 12 days, does not mean it won’t ever happen.
  5. Cleaning up dog puke, paint and child poop on the carpet will take a full bottle of Resolve and a breathing mask for pregnant mom.
  6. Just because potty training child dropped a 10lb stink pickle in the toilet, do not put on cotton panties within 5 minutes after the deed.
  7. The average stink pickle must be 15lbs.
  8. If you leave clothes in the washer for more than 24 hours, they will mildew.
  9. Prayer does not stop mildew.
  10. 15 dryer sheets will not remove mildew smell.
  11. Husband will notice mildew smell when he puts on his uniform, regardless of 15 dryer sheets and half a spray bottle of Febreeze.
  12. Wet paint on the door attracts dog tail hair, children’s hands and a husband’s butt already in his uniform.
  13. Painting doors with anyone breathing in the house is futile at best.
  14. Painting a perfectly good antique white door with ultra white is just stupid.
  15. Painting anything is stupid.
  16. Keeping only one uniform clean for husband is begging for someone to stick their butt in your fresh paint.
  17. After 10 years of marriage, husband knows that an eye twitch and a snicker means you are not telling him something.
  18. Small children will be honest and loudly proclaim that “Daddy has a white butt”
  19. Husband will want to change his uniform 45 seconds before having to leave to go to work.
  20. See #16.
  21. Trading uniform with mildew smell and paint on the butt for the uniform worn yesterday that reeks of man sweat will require the other half of the Febreeze bottle used in Lesson #11.
  22. Men who wear a man sweat soaked uniform do not speak politely to their wives.
  23. Tylenol is not enough at the end of the day sometimes.
  24. Tylenol PM (with its active sleep inducing ingredient) will solve the rest of these problems.

Categories: Lessons

13 replies

  1. Hahaha…..heck of a day, huh?! 😉

  2. oh dear. You need a hug! I thought *I* had a day…bah.

  3. Oh dear! Sending hugs! AmmieJo

  4. I am totally laughing out loud (so much, that it isn't even close to deserving "lol"…I had to write it out!!)…you were just foolin'…you're really a html freaky phenom, aren'tcha?

  5. Can I even tell you how many loads of laundry I've washed twice in the last like 3 weeks due to that stupid mildew!? I have not, however, painted anything, despite the overwhelming need to do so. No spills, butts, dog hairs, etc for me. (Yet. I really do need to do some serious painting, so such results are not out of the question!) To funny – off to do more reading!

  6. Oh, sweet lady. I don't even know what else to say. Wow. I have now decided to not move while pregnant…EVER.

  7. That is awesome – ohhhh to have been a fly on the wall! of course it sounds like I would have been covered in poo or paint!3 boxes of color later – Bay's hair looks much better in the daylight, my faith in box coloring has been restored – who knew brass free brunettes! 3 cheers to clariol and to YOU!

  8. I am so glad I found you on the web! Welcome to my world! My husband has a uniform service. I'm responsible not for cleaning them and ironing myself, just for dropping off dirties and picking up cleans. Yeah. He wore dirties to work 3 times in one week. I blamed it on the uniform service. He showers 3 times a day. Sweaty clothing–not his favorite way to go.

  9. Sometimes even I can't believe your life! Too funny, love you, Mom

  10. this brought smiles to me…what adventures you have! have a great week!

  11. You are most hilarious!!! Great post and I'm loving the new layout!!

  12. Change is always good and surprising…You can't make that stuff up even if you tried!! Well the week is halfway over it can only go downhill from there. I hope you haven't been asking God for patience lately because he sure gave you the test.Hope today goes better!

  13. FUUUUNY!! And please don't hold the paint spill on the carpet against your child for the rest of her life. My parents still remind me.

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